Saving Alec
by AdventKisa-x
Summary: AU fic, no shadowhunters. Alec is a bullied Junior in high school, desperately wanting to end his life. Magnus is a senior, one of the most popular boys in school and oblivious to Alec's pain. Will Magnus save Alec in time? rated M for language and suicidal talk, Lemons in future chapters. COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

AN:** This is my first story in a long time on here and I'm hoping everyone loves it. I've had it in my mind for a little while and just couldn't get it out of my head so I made an account just to put it up here. **

**Oh and I own nothing, if I owned TMI there would be alooooot more of Alec and Magnus love. I do have an OC in there though **

**Warning: character attempting suicide, cutting, emotional issues, and future boyxboy love. You've been warned**

Show me what it's like  
>To be the last one standing<br>And teach me wrong from right  
>And I'll show you what I can be<br>And say it for me  
>Say it to me<br>And I'll leave this life behind me  
>Say it if it's worth saving me<p>

- Nickelback – Savin me

Alec POV

I don't know how I get myself into these stupid situations. Mom and dad would never be okay with Jace or Issy driving them home drunk so I have to drive them to and from parties. Unfortunately there's one tonight. Fun.

I'm sprawled out in the backseat just watching the tree's go by as Jace drives, way to crazily, towards the lake. I wince every time he hits a bump, not wanting to imagine his terrible driving if he was drunk.

Isabelle is sitting in the front next to him, texting a mile a minute. I don't know why she feels the need to text so many people, who she would coincidentally be seeing in a few minutes.

My phone chimes and I looked down at it, instantly smiling. It was Allie, short for Allison.

**I wish I could come 2 the party, but u no my mom and dad…**

I closed my eyes and sighed at the horrendous text speak. I loved it though, the fact that she was even talking to me today felt amazing.

**Yea I know. I'll miss you though. **I quickly replied, smiling.

But my smile disappeared quickly, she didn't know. She couldn't know. What I was going to do tonight.

I looked at my backpack, knowing I had filled it would all my heavy books from school. I felt uncomfortable in my heavy boots and clothing. I knew I was going to have to ask someone else to take home Jace and Isabelle tonight… because I wouldn't be going home. I'm sure one of their many admirers would agree, even though it was me asking.

My phone chimed again signaling that Allie replied. Isabelle giggled from the front seat, "looks like Alec is popular tonight."

Jace laughed and looked back at me before turning towards the road again, "Is it Allison again? When are you going to ask her out dude?"

I felt my face flush. The answer of course was never. But I couldn't say that. Jace didn't know I was gay; Isabelle did but never said anything about it. She didn't care, probably because she was wrapped up in her whole world.

"We're just friends Jace. She's not into me like that." This well... was a lie. Allie has liked me ever since we met last year, and five months ago had pressed her lips against mine. I wanted to cry, I couldn't help it. I wanted so bad to feel a spark or connection because Allie had deserved it. I told her I was gay and she just smiled really sadly and said "I know, I just had to do that at least once."

But back to the car ride, I know Jace said something and I had zoned out. "What?"

"I said why did you bring your bag? You're not going to do homework at the party are you because that's just lame dude."

I felt my face go red yet again. No. No homework. But I had to lie again, "I brought my sketch book. I won't be hanging out at the party I'll just stay in the car and draw."

I hated having to lie to them. I hated knowing I wasn't strong enough to go on. I hated knowing tonight, while they are partying, I'll be walking into the lake holding my heavy bag. Never to come back up.

It doesn't sound very poetic. I've been thinking about ending my life for months now, and coming up with this one felt the most right. Just letting water fill my lungs and never resurfacing.

Never to be hit again. Never to cut myself again. Never to hate myself anymore.

I felt my eyes prickle and a tear slowly slide down my face. I wiped it away quickly as we pulled up next to a red jeep and Isabelle instantly jumped out and ran into her boyfriends arms. Jace leaned back and looked at me with his piercing gold eyes, "Are you okay?"

I hated lying, really, I hated it. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Never to cry again. Never to be bullied.

I could feel my fake smile plastered on my lips. Never to be dismissed again. Never to be hurt again.

Jace shrugged and leaped out of the car and I got out slowly, noticing that there was around 30 cars, and a bunch of students already on the beach. There were several bonfires and loud music playing and the students were dancing.

I walked down to the trees next to the beach and sat in the cold next to the water. The other kids a good 30 or 40 yards from me. Far enough away they won't notice me in the dark.

This is what I wanted right? No not really. But I felt this need; my bullies are here, the guys that beat me up on the walk to school every day. The girls that laugh at my "emo" clothes. I wanted everyone to walk into school on Monday and the principal telling everyone in the auditorium that a student was found dead in the lake they were at a couple nights before.

I almost wish I could hear the shock. Alexander Gideon Lightwood committed suicide? No, it would never happen.

The only thing I would regret was never getting to see Allie again. Never getting to see my mom and dad again. Never getting to fall in love.

I could feel the tears trickling down my face as my phone chimed again, it was Allie.

**Don't have 2 much fun w/o me dude!**

I couldn't help the tears falling faster, as I replied. **Never. I love you.**

Would she ever forgive me for letting go of life? I hoped not.

I looked up at the party in full swing, could see no one giving me any glances, I felt alone in a crowded party. Cliché I know.

I typed a quick text to Isabelle, **Have Simon give you and Jace a ride home. Don't let Jace drive drunk!**

I slipped my phone back into my pocket, smiled grimly, and pulled my backpack up onto my back. Hoping it was heavy enough to keep me from freaking out in the water and trying to save myself.

I looked back up at the party and smiled wider. I love you Jace. I love you Issy. I love you Allie. And I stepped into the water.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Sorry everyone this chapter has been eluding me all week. I don't have a computer so I'll be writing once a week or twice if I get up to the library twice a week. I'll have a new chapter done tonight or tomorrow in compensation :) enjoy!**

Where there is desire  
>There is gonna be a flame<br>Where there is a flame  
>Someone's bound to get burned<br>But just because it burns  
>Doesn't mean you're gonna die<br>You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try

**- Try by Pink **

**Magnus POV:**

I listened to Camille chatter on and on about how amazing Homecoming was last week. I had gone, of course, but it wasn't exactly thrilling like my parties usually are. What's the point of a dance when you can't exactly.. dance like you want to against your partner. Or drink alcohol. Or do anything fun.

"Magnus what are you thinking about darling?" I took my eyes off the road and looked at her as she said, "You haven't listened to a thing I've said have you?"

I smiled and turned my head back to the road. We're going to a party, a sort of last beach party type of thing. All the upper classman were invited but it's the beginning of November, it's getting cold. I doubt very many people will actually be there. Though the bonfires sound amazing right about now.

Camille's eyes were narrowing farther and farther and shit, I forgot to reply to her question. "I hope this party isn't as boring as I think it will be. I could be home picking out my outfit for Monday or buying more glitter at the store or something. Who's all going to be there?"

She snorted and opened up her phone typing on the keyboard, probably texting all her friends.

She giggled and looked at me, "Well most of the seniors. A few juniors I know. I think Jace Wayland is bringing Isabelle Lightwood. She's a sophmore I know but she is really cool."

I nodded. Jace Wayland, a sophmore, was probably almost or maybe more popular than I am. He's on the football team, and a very good player at that. All the girls follow him around like little puppy dogs trying to get attention from him. Isabelle Lightwood, his sister, was a sophmore as well even though she was a year younger than him. She was whip smart, gorgeous, and very popular as well.

Camille sighed, "Izzy just texted me. She, Jace, and Alec are on their way to the party."

I knew what the sigh was about. Alec Lightwood. He's Jace's and Isabelle's older brother. He's a junior, just a year below Camille and myself. And to say he's unpopular is putting it mildly. He's one of those nerdy emo boys no one really talks to. His hair's always falling into his face, and he's very small under those baggy clothes he wears. No fashion sense. I mean it, none. Zip. Nada.

It made me shiver just thinking about it. I've never talked to him. But I do know Cammie and all our other friends frequently talk down to him. I used to try and get them to stop, but Alec doesn't fight back. Just takes it. So I let it happen.

I know that makes me sound like a bit of a jerk. Maybe I am, oh well I have way to many things to think about then that boy. Like my ex for example.

Jamie was my boyfriend up until Homecoming night. We got back to my place and when I laid him in my bed, drunk, he confessed he'd been with some other guy. I saw red and pulled him outside and shut the door on him. God I need a girlfriend, or boyfriend, who can be faithful. I mean look at me, I'm Magnus freaking Bane. I'm gorgeous, it can't be that hard to find someone right?

I turned onto the street leading down to the lake where the beach party would be held. I realized Cammie was quiet. I turned to her and she narrowed her eyes again, "What the hell are you thinking about?"

I cleared my throat and looked sheepish, "Uh, Alexander. and Jamie."

She waved her hand in a dismissive way, "Don't think about that dirtbag Jamie. And don't think about Alec Lightwood. No one's thinking about him right now. He's just there to drive Jace and Isabelle home if they get drunk."

I nodded and made the final turn. There were a bunch of cars already there. My hope for something small was destroyed in one moment. Damn why are there all these people in the cold?

Camille jumped out of the car as soon as I put it in park and I got out at a much slower, calmer pace. Her eyes lit up, "Ragnor's over there by the big fire. Come on Mag." And without turning back to look at me she rushed over to our friend Ragnor.

I chuckled and shut the door. a few parking spaces away another car pulled in and before it even stopped Isabelle Lightwood was rushing out of the car and into Simon Lewis' arms. Of course, Simon's her boyfriend.

The drivers door remained closed for a minute before it opened and Jace got out, looking confused. Why?

The back door opened next and Alexander got out of the car. Black hair over his eyes, and of course he was wearing a black jacket, black shirt, black pants... all that black... how does he do it. I simply must have color in my life. I looked down at my rainbow pants and purple velvety jacket.

His door shut and he seemed to scan the beach. Grimacing at the sight of all the people. What did you expect Alec? It's a party. His eyes drifted over the cars and didn't stop at me but kept scanning. My breath hitched. I've only ever seen those eyes a few times but when I did... a shiver went up my back.

Those eyes are totally gorgeous. Black hair and blue eyes are my favorite combination. They seemed to pierce into your soul. What the hell am I on?

He walked around the side of the car and I noticed he had his bookbag in his hand. What the hell? Why would you bring a bookbag to a party? He walked away from the comotion of the party and down towards the tree line. He was probably going to hang out and wait for Jace and Isabelle to take them home. I've seen him at plenty of parties, but never participating in the fun.

Oh well why am I thinking of him so much?

I took one last glance over at Alec before I moved towards the big bonfire where Cammie and Ragnor were. Some people were dancing to the music and some were just drinking their beer and hanging out with their boyfriends or girlfriends or friends.

I stood next to Cammie and istened to them talk for awhile, looking at all the other seniors and juniors who decided to attend. Some sophmores were in the mix but only a couple that were invited by junors or seniors. Oh well doesn't matter.

I was moving to the music slowly when someone sighed rather loudly next to me and I turned. Isabelle and Simon were a few feet away. I perked my ears to hear her over the music, she looked... angry and worried at the same time. "Alec isn't staying. He wants you to drive me and Jace home. He's probably walking home the dumbass."

Alec's walking home? We're 14 miles from town. It's pretty chilly and his outfit isn't enough to protect him from the cold. I guess I should go stop him and take him home.

I turned towards the treeline and noticed a few of my classmates were down there next to Alec. It was a few of my friends. Friend's who weren't exactly fond of Alec... I shoud take care of this.

I told Cammie what I was doing and she didn't look she just nodded her head and waved in my direction.

I turned and walked down towards the tree's and the closer I got the more confused I probably looked. Why was he wearing his backpack? Why was he standing him the water? I don't get it, it's probably freezing right now.

One guy, Marcus, had his hand on Alec's shoulder and shoved him. Alec fell and I started walking faster. I watched him hit the water and groan loudly. I was almost right behind Marcus, Caleb, and Jesse when one of Marcus' legs kicked out and struck Alec in the ribs.

I grabbed Marcus and pulled him away from Alec. "Hey what was that for?" HE turned and looked me in the eye then looked down. I let him go and he backed away with Caleb and Jesse right on his heels. "Mag... Magnus, he uh... he wasn't invited and I was teaching him a lesson."

I glared at him, "It's not right to attack someone who can't fight back Marcus. If you touch him again I'll make sure you never hurt anyone again."

I don't know why I was defending Alec. I didn't really care about him. I just didn't like to see Marcus take advantage of someone who couldn't defend themself.

I turned back to Alec and lowered my hand to pull him up. I narrowed my eyes, why is he so heavy? He's so skinny. My eyes went to his backpack and he started stammering nonsense. I looked up at him and he looked like he was shaking, from the cold? His cheeks were bright red and he kept saying sorry. Why is he sorry?

I laughed softly and rested my hand on his shoulder, "I'll make sure they leave you alone Blue Eyes."

He flinched away from me and looked down, "I can handle myself."

I know one of my eyebrows rose into my hairline. "Yeah, looked like it. Come on I'm taking you home."

He sighed and looked back at the water before looking back at me, "I can walk."

I laughed, "Oh no. It's miles away, it's cold, you're soaking wet, and I would feel really bad if I walked away and you froze to death on the way home."

He let his backpack lower off his back and he pulled it into his arms, "fine... let's go."

I giggled and grabbed for his bag, lifting it out of his arms. What... the hell... It's so heavy! His bag must be stuffed with all his books from school plus a bunch of other stuff.

Cammie was right. He's such a nerd. Carrying around all these books. Like he has that much homework.

Unless it's something else. Alec won't meet my eyes. What is going on?

**AN: sorry it's so short. l wasn't sure where to take this. The next chapter will be the ride back to Alec's home and some other drama sad things. Tell me what you want to see and I'll try to incorporate it if I can! Until next time**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Here's the new chapter. Warning; there is self harm and suicidal thoughts in this chapter. I own nothing except Allie and my own thoughts **

My name is revenge and I'm here to save my name  
>You're fuckin' wearing me out!<br>You're always dragging me down!  
>You're the fake, fallen, force of nature, sick mind<br>I don't need a gun to take back what's mine  
>(You're fuckin' wearing me out)<br>It's over  
>(You're always dragging me down)<br>It's over

**"My Name (Wearing Me Out)" – Shinedown**

**Alec POV:**

I've never been so angry in my life. My chance to finally be free. My chance to finally end my life. It was all for nothing.

I should have expected something to happen. I had no idea Marcus and his jackass friends would approach me. And I definitely had no idea that Magnus Bane would defend me against them. That might have been the most surprising part of the night actually. But I don't know if I actually deserved what he did for me.

I was glancing down at my feet. His car is so warm... It's nice to get out of the cold air. It isn't so nice being sopping wet though and bruised ribs at that. Shivering, I ran my fingertips against my ribs and winced lightly.

Magnus must have noticed me shivering because he reached forward and turned the heater up, and pointed the vents at me. I felt so… cherished in that moment. I quickly banished that thought. He just doesn't want me to freeze to death.

I could feel his eyes on me again but I refused to look at him. He tried to talk down at the water; I could still feel his fingertips against my back when he walked me back up to his car. He tried to talk the first couple minutes of the car ride but I still refused to talk back.

Thankfully he got the hint. I don't want to talk. There is no point in talking to me.

What am I supposed to say to him? 'Hey, thanks, you saved me from suicide.' That would go over swell. I thought I'd been found out when he grabbed my bag out of my arms. His eyes widening in surprise. I thought he put two and two together. I was sure of it. But he didn't say anything about it.

My secret is safe with me.

Magnus pulled off the highway and he looked over at me again, "five or six minutes. I bet you can't wait to get out of those wet clothes."

I grunted softly before I shut my eyes. Way to go Alec. Very considerate. In most cases you would be so thankful and nice and stuff. "I uh… thank you. For driving me home. I could have walked though."

I noticed him smile out of the corner of my eye. "No need to thank me Alexander. Least I could do. I saw my friends assault you. What were you doing in the water anyways?"

I knew my face was beet red. What to do… "I didn't walk out very far. I was just thinking and wasn't paying attention to what I was doing." Lame Alec. Really lame.

I noticed his eyebrow raise and I knew he wanted to say something back. He doesn't believe me.

He turned onto my street and pulled into my driveway. I watched him put the car in park. "Thank you Magnus." I reached for the handle, desperate to get into the house so I could find my blade.

I stopped when he grabbed my other hand and I turned to look him in the eye. My breath hitched slightly looking into those golden green eyes.

"Alec are you okay? I know we never talk or anything like that but I'm here if you need to talk to someone."

I smiled at him, hoping it didn't look fake. "I'm okay. Thank you again." When I reached for the door this time he didn't stop me.

I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder. I went to shut the door.

"Alec."

I looked at him; my breath hitching again when I looked into his eyes again, "What?"

He smirked, "See you Monday darling."

My cheeks pinked and I slammed the door. I walked up the steps leading to my doorway. My fingers shook as I opened my door, before I took a step inside I turned back and waved at him.

I walked inside and laid my head against the door for a second. No. You will not see me on Monday.

I ran up to my room, out of breath thanks to my bag. Angel, how could this plan have gotten any worse!

But now it will end. I shut my door and flung my bag onto my bed. I pulled my jacket off and threw it onto the floor before I grabbed my pocket knife off of my table.

I pressed it against my already scarred wrist and slid it across the skin. I moaned from the pleasure and pain and slid it across my skin again. The beautiful red liquid was sliding down my hand onto my bed.

Before I did it again I heard his voice in my head, 'Darling'.

How I wished someone could really care that much for me.

How I wish someone could love me.

Magnus saved me from some bullies. I wish he knew what he had really saved me from.

I slid the knife against my skin again, please let me be free.

Angel, please let me be free.

**AN: Sorry to leave you guys on another cliffie. To answer a question already brought up, yes Magnus will realize what Alec was really doing. There will be a confrontation but not for a few chapters. As always, please review. **


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Sorry last chapter was so short. I wasn't quite sure where to go with this one either. But the big reveal to Magnus is in a couple more chapters so just hold on. Again, I own nothing. **

Just close your eyes  
>The sun is going down<br>You'll be alright  
>No one can hurt you now<br>Come morning light  
>You and I'll be safe and sound<p>

Safe and Sound – Taylor Swift

**Magnus POV:**

I couldn't help thinking about those blue eyes as I fit the key into the door of my house. I don't know why, I've seen him before. I've looked into his eyes before.

He's always so sad. No matter why, he always looks like he's about to burst open and cry. Of course, me, being my usual self, never really cared.

I don't care now.

Do I?

This is so confusing. I don't know how to help him. Wait what Magnus? Since when have you wanted to help him with something? Alexander is one of those people everyone tries to avoid.

He's so shy, he barely speaks. The only time I've ever heard him talk at school was in the three classes he's in with me. And he only ever talks to the teachers.

But it's always with such relish. He is happiest in school, even though his happiness is layered in sadness.

I don't know why he's affecting me so much. All he cares about is school. That's why everyone thinks he's just a nerdy boy.

That bag explained it more than anything. I swear, I think his whole locker was in that bag!

As soon as my door opened the Chairman was rubbing against my leg. I swooped down and pulled him into my arms and nuzzled my face into his fur.

I ran my fingers over his ears and looked into his slitted eyes. "You hungry Chairman Meow?"

His mew was pitiful. I stroked his fur lightly and laid him down on the ground and walked towards the kitchen. He was pattering after me, meowing louder.

Thank God I didn't stay at the party longer. He would have given me hell for making him wait this long for food.

The house was so quiet. The staff must have already gone, and they usually make as little noise as possible. Ever since my grandmother died and left me the family house they've been working for me. She adopted me after my mother's suicide and father's death. But she died a year ago. Now all I ever do is have parties here.

That's what I love. Parties. Drinking. Having fun with hundreds of people dancing against each other.

My phone chimed as I poured food into a bowl for the Chairman and I fished it out of my pocket. It was Camille.

**R u coming back to the party?! We r having fun!**

I rolled my eyes and quickly texted back. **No. I took Alexander home and came back to my house. Have fun. See you tomorrow. **

That is something I could really look forward to.

Camille, Ragnor, and a couple of our other friends were going to the mall. Ahhh all the delight in that. New clothes! New makeup! How could I not enjoy it?

I set the bowl on the floor and he started eating. I pulled my jacket off and laid it on the back of one of the kitchen chairs, watching Chairman.

Again, my mind drifted to Alec. In the car he was so cold. Physically and emotionally.

When he shivered I turned up the heater and pointed it towards him. It was way to hot for me but he seemed to relax more. But when he touched his ribs and winced I wanted to turn the car around and drive back to the party.

I didn't hit Marcus, but at that moment I really wanted to go back and make him feel as much pain as humanly possible.

It wasn't right. Something was wrong with Alec and Marcus attacked him! Jesse and Caleb didn't do anything but they could have stopped it too.

I knew on Monday I'd be having a talk with all three of them. And I'd make sure no one ever messed with Alec again.

Gah. Why do I care? I don't get it.

I've never cared about him. But one run in with some of my friends makes me act like this. Wanting to beat up my now former friends over him.

I'm going crazy.

I walked slowly up the stairs and laid down on my bed. Within minutes Chairman jumped up and laid down next to my head, hogging the pillow.

I smiled lightly before it disappeared.

There was something wrong with Alec besides being assaulted by Marcus.

He barely spoke at all on the car ride which was normal for him. But there was something off about him beyond that. The little he did speak it was like he was holding something back.

When I told him we were close to his house and he could get out of those wet clothes he just grunted at me. I mean he responded right after saying thank you but still.

He was acting kind of like I… wasn't doing him a favor.

Like I was doing the opposite of what he wanted.

He said I didn't need to take him home, he could have walked. Yes, let's just walk 14 miles! In the cold. In wet clothes. Alexander is insane.

I would have gone to school on Monday and the principal would have said Alec died from freezing to death walking home after a party.

I couldn't let that happen. My phone chimed again, it was Cammie again.

**Izzy wants 2 no if Alecs ok. He is not texting her back.**

My head turned lightly, confused. Maybe his phone got in the water. I mean he was soaked. It might not work anymore.

But I texted back. **Tell her he's fine. His phone might have gotten wet cause he fell in the water. I left him at home safely lol. **

I tapped my fingers against my chin. Alec did glance at his phone once or twice in the car. Maybe he's just ignoring his sister. Not the first time someone's ignored their siblings.

I pushed the thought out of my mind. He's fine, he's probably asleep. I looked at the clock next to my bed and read that it was a littler after 10 pm. What!?

I wasn't at the party long. The car ride only took 20 minutes or so. I rubbed my face lightly. I need to stop zoning out, thinking about Alec.

Alexander…

I could still feel his back tensed up underneath my fingers. How can someone be that tense?

And then again when I grabbed his hand in the car before he got out.

That time he just looked at me. I heard his breath rise when he looked into my eyes. I think I could lose myself in those eyes. Those tortured, pain filled ocean depths.

I shut mine and rubbed my face. Why am I thinking about him like this?

It's not like I really care about him. I don't.

When he went up the steps to his door I waited in the driveway. Wanting to see him get inside safely.

He turned and looked at me for a second before giving me a wave and went inside.

I've been thinking about it ever since. Something is really off about him right now. He's on edge. And incredibly sad about something but I don't know what it is.

It could be anything.

He failed a class, ha! He got into a fight with a friend. He's having trouble at home. I have no idea.

And why do I care?

I told myself I don't care what's going on with him, I was just trying to help him out, make him feel better after my friends hurt him.

And it only started out with me going to offer to give him a ride home.

Chairman was purring into my ear loudly and I couldn't help smiling again.

The thing I don't get the most is though; the part that made my heart hurt the most, why did he give me that stupid fake smile? That concerned me the most.

I, Magnus Bane, was giving him a ride home. I was trying to make him better. And I couldn't get a happy smile? He was thankful and courteous, after a few minutes, but he wasn't happy at all in the slightest.

Something is off about this boy.

And I am going to find out what it is.

I am going to help him.

I just don't know what I am helping him from exactly.

But I will find out. And I'll befriend him. And I'll help him figure out that there are things to smile about in this world. In my world.

**AN: I know Magnus is a little ooc, and he's acting very conceited (which I don't think is entirely ooc). Allie will also be returning to the story next chapter. Anyways, review as always, and I'll try to get a new chapter up tomorrow or this weekend. Have a good V-day everyone!**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Suicidal thoughts and cutting in here so you're warned. Also you get to learn a little bit more about Allie. I don't own anything except Allie and my own thoughts.****  
><strong>

A long vacation didn't sound so bad  
>Was full of secrets locked up tight like iron mountain<br>Running on empty so out of gas

Thought I wasn't enough  
>Found I wasn't so tough<br>Layin' on the bathroom floor  
>We were living on a fault line<br>And I felt the fault was all mine  
>Couldn't take it anymore<br>By The Grace Of God – Katy Perry

**Alec POV: **

My eyes were blurring up as I looked at the five lines leaking that beautiful liquid. It was running down my arm and landing on my bed. I knew I was losing way to much blood.

And I loved the feeling. My head was pounding. I couldn't think about what I was doing. My lips pushed into a smile, a real smile.

My phone kept beeping; I didn't know how my phone survived the water. I knew the texts were from Izzy, my phone annoyingly chirping in the tone that signals a text from her. She had been texting me ever since I left the party.

'R u okay?' 'Did Magnus take u home?' 'Dude answer me'.

I should have replied but after the first few texts I just laid my phone down and let it keep chirping away. I could easily pretend my phone was ruined in the water. Magnus would be able to explain.

Hopefully.

What I hadn't counted on tonight was Magnus…

He was like an angel to me in that moment on the beach. He defended me against his own friends, friends he's allowed to bully me before now. But tonight for some reason he didn't let it happen.

I guess it's stupid, calling him an angel after so long of knowing him.

I can't really say I know him, I just know who he is at school. His eyes have drifted towards me a few times, after his friends say things to me.

At first, my freshman, sophomore years he'd try and stop them. But I would never react. I wouldn't be entirely thankful. I know it probably hurt him but how can I really react.

I don't care what everyone says about me or does to me. In the end they're all just chalk lines on the ground.

They wash away in the rain.

I am washing away. Who will remember my chalk lines?

I slid the knife against my skin in one last line. It was pure pain this time. The knife fell from my left hand and landed on the floor, I reached towards my bedpost and held on as the wave of pain fluttered through my body.

The only thing I hated about this was that mom, dad, and Max were out of the country. Mom and dad do a lot of work away from home and Max is in school. All three of us had to go to boarding school, the Institute, before high school here.

I didn't want to think about Jace and Izzy finding my body. But there was no other way. Magnus didn't force me to get into his car but there was no way he would have let me walk like I wanted to. I would have stayed, hidden, by the lake till after the party.

But he had to be protective.

Protective of me… 

Like my angel…

No Alec don't think like that. No one thinks of you like you matter so why think of other people like this?

My body was shaking as I held onto my bed post. I cut too much; there was no way I wouldn't pass out from it. I would pass out and then… then I will die.

Dying it's such a nice idea right now. I'll be free. I won't have to suffer anymore, is that not what I want?

I lie down on my bed and just let the feelings flow over my body. It was over.

I am free…

My phone chirped again but it wasn't the tone I have for Tizzy's number. It was Allie's.

God… 

My eye's opened slightly and I couldn't help the sick feeling sliding over my very being.

I'm a monster!

I'm so sick. I'm so disgusting!

How could I do this to Allie! She needs me. I'm the only friend she has, the only person she trusts more than anyone else.

I knew I was shaking, from the pain and from the blood loss. I can't believe what I'm doing.

I thought it wouldn't affect her but I know, she'll hate me when she finds out.

It'll only be for another couple months anyways… I can hold out for her. In a few months, I'll be able to finish what I've started here. But I have to wait...

How could I forget my own best friend's pain like this. She would never forgive me for thinking about killing myself. Thinking about it. She would hate me forever if I actually did it.

Against my better judgment I found myself pulling myself away from my bed, holding onto the wall as I opened the door to my bedroom. The walk to the bathroom was agonizing.

The pain, the pain was so great I could barely breathe.

What am I saying, I love this feeling.

But I have to hold on. Because Allie needs me. I can't let her down again.

I could feel the liquid fall onto the floor as I stumbled to the bathroom. I would need to clean this up, or come up with some stupid excuse for Izzy and Jace.

I stepped into the doorway of the bathroom and my fingers trailed up the wall to the light switch. I squinted as the harsh light flashed on, blinding me for a moment.

I can't breathe… I sat on the side of the bath tub and opened the lower cabinet which held Band-Aids and gauze.

My fingers brushed the gauze and I pulled it out, every move agonizing.

My hands moved on their own accord, desperate to keep myself from bleeding anymore of my life blood.

I could hear my phone chirp again, Allie again.

I swear she's psychic. She must know something's wrong with me but I put that thought away from my head as I wrapped the gauze all the way up from my wrist to my elbow.

I cut way to many times this time. I don't know how I'll be able to explain this…

I rested my head in my hands and stuck my head in-between my knees. I feel like I'm going to pass out…

I waited for my eyes to refocus and I looked down at my arm. I'm selfish. I'm a monster. I'm not thinking of anyone except myself.

Izzy, Jace, mom, dad, they would be disgusted that I'm so weak.

Magnus… he would be disgusted with me right now.

I staggered to my feet and got a wash clothe, I need to clean up the mess I made. Though it hurt so much, I was able to get on my knees and clean the blood off the floor leading to my bedroom.

My phone made that noise again and I sighed, Allie.

I threw the wash rag into my laundry basket and I sat on my bed next to my phone.

I picked it up and slid it open, clicking on my messages as soon as the light came on. I clicked on her name and her three texts came into focus.

**Mom says we can hang out tomorrow! Let's go to the mall! **

I smiled. To say her mom and dad are overprotective is an understatement. They don't let her do anything fun, ever.

**Alec Lightwood. U better not be ignoring me!**

Even though it hurt I ran my bandaged hand through my hair. She is so pushy!

**Alexander text me back!**

I let out a chuckle. She knows I hate being called Alexander and only does it when she's mad at me.

I quickly type in a text, **I'm here, and I'll go to the mall with you tomorrow. Want me to pick you up?**

I can do this. I can pick her up, take her to the mall and hang out. Maybe go to the movies afterwards, buy her overpriced popcorn and have a good time.

I can do this…

Her answer was almost immediate. **Finally! Mom and dad r going with lol. Pick you up at 1 ily babe!**

I smiled again and ran my hand over her name on the screen.

I clicked on Izzy's and thought I should face the fire. 19 texts, all asking if I'm okay, if I got home, or if Magnus is secretly a hatchet murderer and locked my body in his basement.

I couldn't help the laughter that burst from my mouth. It'd been so long since anything could make me laugh quite like that. Good job Iz.

I texted her back saying Magnus isn't a secret hatchet murderer as far as I know, I'm fine; phone was off, yadda yadda yadda. And I would be asleep when they got home.

I glanced at my clock and realized it was almost midnight. Yeah it's time for sleep.

I could take something for the pain but I think I'll try and sleep through it. I need to feel this, to feel the pain.

Next time I will take care of this for good…

I lie back on my bed and shut my eyes. Thinking of those beautiful gold and green eyes. Magnus… I wish you could really save me.

But it will never… ever happen.

**AN: I'm so sorry it took so long! But don't worry, the next one will come in a few days and it will be Magnus' POV of the mall trip. And you'll get to learn more about Allie. **


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I know I posted this chapter yesterday, but I was at the library and had literally only 50 seconds to post it and I wasn't finished editing it. So I'm putting up the completely edited nicer, neater, chapter here. Plus I added a little bit. Sorry for all the mistakes yesterday, and I'm about halfway done with the next chapter which will be in Alec's pov, so you won't have to wait long at all for it. **

I got a lot to say to you  
>Yeah, I got a lot to say<br>I noticed your eyes are always glued to me  
>Keeping them here<br>And it makes no sense at all

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone  
>Just the one-two of us, who's counting on<br>That never happens  
>I guess I'm dreaming again<br>Let's be more than this

Crushcrushcrush – Paramore

**Magnus POV:**

Tap, tap, and tap.

My fingers drummed against the steering wheel as I sat impatiently outside of Camille's house. I had next to no sleep over the night. I don't know why, I couldn't get those blue eyes out of my brain.

I needed to figure out what was going on with him, because something is obviously going on to make him look at me with those side ocean eyes.

I still couldn't get over why he had his book bag with him. What sane person would take their homework to a high school party?

Nothing about the boy is sane. I mean look at him then look at me.

I know I used up way more makeup than usual to cover up the bags under my eyes. My hair is spiked up like usual and I'm wearing new rainbow pants, a black shirt, and white jacket with buckles on it.

Thinking of him right now I'm positive he's wearing black. All black. I need to try and get him to wear more color when I talk to him next…

Wait, what Magnus? You're not going to talk to him. You don't care about him, remember?

My fingers curled around the wheel. I glanced back up at the house and smiled when Camille finally opened the door and stepped out. She sent me a cheerful grin and opened the car door and got in. "You ready to shop Mag?"

I couldn't help the return grin. Oh, shopping! I love shopping. I can only imagine what I'll be getting today. I could spend hours picking out things from stores. I spend hour's everyday getting ready for school.

I nodded and restarted the car, pulling away.

I should have known it was coming, what she said next. "So… was the ride taking Alec home as horrifying as I thought it would be?"

I don't know why it bugged me, I had a pleasant time. Well, pleasant as in he mostly ignored me till he finally placed those gorgeous blues on me when he got out of the car. God, get out of my head!

"It was alright. I tried to talk to him but he wouldn't talk back. It was so weird; he brought his book bag down to the lake. Caleb and Marcus and Jesse were bullying him when I walked up."

Camille nodded at me. "Yeah, they have always messed with him since he got here his freshman year. I remember the first time I saw him, I thought he looked weird."

That's just like you Camille. Thinking anyone without a fashion sense is off your radar. I thought he looked adorable the first time I saw him.

I'm never actually going to forget the day I saw him for the first time. We'd just got back from summer vacation in-between freshman and sophomore year. Camille had already begun teasing the new freshmen; we were waiting for the bell to ring.

This boy walked by in front of us next to the secretary, she was telling him where to go I expect. I figured he was new, or one of the freshmen who was coming in from middle school. His hair was in his eyes, and he was looking down at his class schedule while he listened to the secretary talk.

I completely droned out Camille, at that moment I needed to know that boys name. We were standing in the doorway leading down to the gym and the music rooms.

The secretary had her hand on his arm and she pulled him right up next to us and pointed down towards the music rooms. "That's where the Chorus room is. The first door. You don't need to worry about any of the others past that. The big doors go to the gym and the smaller doors on the left side of the hallway are the locker rooms. I'm sure you know what you do there."

The boy nodded and smiled shyly. I could see the rose tint of his cheeks.

I could feel more than see his eyes drifting over to Camille and I, then move on to the other students littered about the hallway before coming back to us.

That was the first time I saw his eyes. They were so blue. So gorgeous. At that point in time I would have done anything to get him to be mine.

But the moment was gone and he was following the secretary away from us. I couldn't forget those rosy cheeks. He was blushing when his eyes met mine. I told Camille instantly I thought he was the most adorable angel I'd ever seen and she was disappointed she missed seeing him.

Later in the lunch room I was so happy he was in our lunch period. I wanted to go sit by him but Camille dragged me over to Ragnor. I noticed that no one sat next to Alec; he didn't look like he wanted anyone near him really. I remember even then thinking that he looked so somber in his black clothes. Some things never change.

I never really got up the courage to speak to him much more than hello's and how are you's while walking near him in the hall. I know it's weird, I'm probably the most popular guy in the school and I couldn't talk to the social reject boy.

Then subtly I noticed people weren't going near him at all. He didn't make any friends, and was slowly making enemies though I doubt he knew it. Everyone was talking about the new boy, the freak boy.

Initially I supported him. When I saw people near him that I knew were messing with him I would rescue him. I hated seeing anyone hurting him in any way.

But he'd just nod and walk off. Occasionally saying thank you. Once he told me he could handle himself. That day was one I would never forget. I could practically see those eyes swirl in anger and… shame? I remember smiling and telling him I knew. I remember reaching my hand out to his face to brush the hair away but he pulled away.

Then towards the end of the year he'd stop saying anything. He wouldn't acknowledge me, like I wasn't doing him a favor. So I let everything happen.

Some people thought that he was emo. Some guys thought it was funny to draw red on their wrists. I remember once some guy shoved him up against a locker and I… I stood by in the crowd. I wanted to slam them against the lockers and make them realize no one that perfect could do all that.

I remember when Isabelle and Jace finally got to the school, my junior year. Alec was a sophomore and they were freshmen.

The bullying stopped for awhile; Isabelle was very protective of her brother. Then they both got higher up in their popularity status, Isabelle becoming a cheerleader and Jace becoming the star of the sports teams, leaving Alec behind as the reject kid in the family.

I felt so awful for him, but I could never show it. He didn't appreciate it. He didn't want it. And most importantly, he didn't want me.

So yeah at one point I wanted him to be my boyfriend and all that stuff but he didn't really care what I was doing for him. I have no official ties to the blue eyed boy. But now…

"Magnus Bane are you listening to a word I'm saying right now?!"

My fingers clenched around the wheel. "Sorry Cam. I was thinking about Alexander."

I could see her eyes narrow at me from the passenger seat. "Will you stop thinking about him? He's not really important right now. Are at all really."

I wanted to yell at her. He's important to me right now. Though I'm not entirely sure why after all this time.

I pulled into the drive thru entrance of the mall, it was jam packed! Worst day to come here. "Is Ragnor going to be here?"

She nodded, staring at her phone. "Yeah, Tessa can't come. But Ragnor is here and that leaves me and you and the girls."

I rolled my eyes. The "girls" were Camille's friends Rachel and Britney. They gossiped more than Camille did. And that is a mean feat to do. Their not my friends but Cam is close to them so Ragnor, Tessa, and I usually just shut our mouths about them.

It's like Marcus, Caleb, and Jesse. They were friends of mine but really only school friends. Well, now they're not really friends.

We got out of the car and made our way through the first level of the store, looking for Taki's, our favorite place to stop and eat. We walked inside and I immediately noticed our friends.

Ragnor and Rachel were already at our usual booth and Camille squealed and rushed over to them. Which was weird, Camille's really not a squealing type of a person but oh well.

I sat across from Rachel and tapped my foot against the ground. Camille and Rachel were talking a mile a minute and Ragnor and I kept glancing at each other but not saying anything.

Surprisingly to me there weren't many people over by us at Taki's. A couple booths were filled, closer to the back, but most of the people were shopping at the various stores in the huge building. I couldn't wait till I was doing it too. I love shopping. I'm an addict and I probably need shopping rehab but I love it!

Britney finally walked up and sat next to me and put her hand on my arm. I had a hard time not pulling it away from her. She's had a crush on me for the longest time, and lovely, lovely Camille is always trying to get me to see her in a different light. Yuck.

Britney leaned forward towards Camille and Rachel and giggled lightly, setting my teeth on edge. "Guys you will never guess who is here right now."

I rolled my eyes at her even though she couldn't see and Ragnor shook his head smiling, "Who?"

"Alexander Lightwood! He's here with a girl!"

My head has never whipped around so fast in my life. I was scanning the entire room outside the restaurant, though I knew it was probably futile. I couldn't find him anymore. I leaned towards Britney, "Where did you see him?"

She smirked, "The girl he's with said they had to meet her parents at Taki's in half an hour. You guys want to shop or think we should stay? You guys have to see this girl."

I was nodding, smiling. I was going to corner that boy and ask him what the deal was with his bag and why he was being so antisocial after I rescued him from freezing to death.

Camille's eyebrow hiked up at the smile on my face but shrugged, "we can stay." The others nodded. The waitress popped up out of nowhere and asked for our orders; we each got some kind of shake and got a big bowl of fries to share.

I was so excited. I needed to see this boy again, you know, before school where I probably wouldn't be seeing him much. We only have a couple classes together, but in both classes we're allowed to pick our own seats, I'd be making sure to sit next to him.

I shut my eyes for a second, what is with me right now… I don't care about him. I don't. I just want to figure out why he's so sad all the time. That's all I want, right Magnus?

Camille kept giving me looks as she and the other girls and Ragnor talked. I didn't want to tell her that I'm really worried about what's going on with Alec. I don't want to tell her that I've been thinking about those ocean blues. And I most definitely don't want her to know I've been periodically calling him Angel in my mind.

That would only make it a little bit awkward. Just a bit, a smidge.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and groaned softly. We still had 20 minutes till they'd be here! Hopefully Alec's friend wants to come a little early…

And that made chills run down my spine. Brit seems to think they're here, together, as a couple. That's why she's so giggly. That for some reason put a sick feeling in my stomach. Please don't let it be true.

I was so certain that Alexander is gay. He's never had a girlfriend, ever! I do want him to have friends, but for some reason the idea of him having a boyfriend or girlfriend made me sick.

My eyes shut and I ran my hand through my hair, probably messing up all the glitter when Britney's hand came down like a vice on my arm. "They're here, they're here!"

I opened my eyes and turned towards the windows of Taki's, looking out on the mall floor. I could see Alec, wearing all black, of course. And next to him was a short girl, no more than 5 feet tall and she was so skinny it couldn't possibly be healthy. She was wearing a black and white stripped long sleeved shirt, a black leather jacket over it, and white and black plaid pants. I shook my head at her appearance, she looked good, and she should give Alec some tips on fashion.

But my eyes were drawn to his face as he opened the door for her. He looked so… happy. I've never seen a smile that big on his face before. I know it sounds selfish but I want to put that smile on his face. I wanted to make him that happy.

She was looking up at him with the same look, happy. Did she love him? Are they together? I need to find this out!

I looked pass her face to her head and realized she had a black beanie on completely covering her hair. She must have really short hair, bad hair cut or something maybe.

He linked his arm through hers and practically dragged her to the counter. I looked over at my friends; Ragnor didn't seem the least bit interested. His eyes were on his phone, playing a game. Camille was still staring at me with a knowing look and I shrugged at her. Rachel and Britney had their eyes glued on the couple at the counter. Camille dragged her eyes from me and looked back towards the counter. Smirking softly.

They sell a lot of snack food at Taki's, and some kinds of meal food so I wasn't surprised when Alec ordered some kind of salad for them to share and a shake for them to share as well. This really wasn't helping my theory on them _not _being a couple.

There are only a couple booths in Taki's, and a row of stools at the counter and we were at the booth closest to the door so they had to walk by us to go to one of the booths.

Alec's eyes met mine as he walked by and I let a smirk cross my lips, despite looking like he didn't own any clothes in different colors, he looked nice. He lowered his head and I thought I could see that beautiful rosy tint again. I enjoyed knowing that I could make him blush like that. It made me happy. I don't know why he's affecting me like this…

They sat at the booth behind us and unfortunately my back was to them. I didn't want to turn around, I felt like they probably wouldn't appreciate my spying. Camille, Ragnor, and Rachel were on the opposite side though so they could get a good look. Though Ragnor was still immersed in his game and Camille seemed more interested in me. Why's she still staring at me? I raised my eyebrow at her and she smirked. What?

Rachel of course wasn't being subtle. Staring at them, she pulled out her phone and typed a message on it before passing it over to Britney and myself.

**They r sitting next 2 each other not across!**

My heart kept dropping a little more with each word I read. They're friends, please be friends.

What's the matter with me? My lips firmed and I probably looked angry. I don't like the idea of them together right now. She seems like a nice young girl but come on… I don't want anyone to have him.

Even though Britney and I were closest to them we still couldn't hear much of their conversation. They were talking so softly. Brit suddenly had her head on my shoulder, turning so her left ear was open to Alec and the mystery girl. I wanted to push her off. But the big part of me wanted to know what was going on so I let her stay there.

It felt like someone was staring at me, besides Camille at least. I wanted so desperately for it to be Alec.

I could hear soft laughter coming from the booth behind us and realized it was Alec. I don't think I've ever heard a laugh come from him… it was beautiful.

He laughed again and said the word, "Allie!"

Allie must be the girl's name.

Our waitress came by and slapped the bill on the table and moved on to the couple behind us. She walked back next to us and I realized she had both dishes in her hand from Alec and Allie's table. We'd been here for awhile just sitting here.

The bell dinged over the door and a… let's just say surly man and woman walked in. Allie and Alec were both immediately up and standing next to our table, right in front of Allie's mom and dad I'm guessing.

The man smiled at the couple, "Allie, it's time to go. Alec, you said Isabelle's picking you up? We can drop you off, it's really no trouble."

Alec nodded and smiled sadly at the man, "Isabelle and Jace are coming here in an hour after their game is over. I can walk around, and I know my house is on the opposite side of town than yours."

Allie's mother nodded, she looked grateful. "Allie, say bye to Alec and let's go. We'll pick him up to go with us in a few days."

My friends and I were all staring at each other, trying really hard to talk lightly and look like we weren't spying on them. It was hard with Rachel and Britney and Camille pointedly staring up at Alec every few seconds.

Alec reached down to put an arm around Allie's waist and she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek lightly.

"Bye, pretty girl." His voice was so sad. Do they really not see each other much or something? They seem close. I've certainly never seen that smile of his.

She nodded and kissed his cheek again, "See you in a few days handsome man."

We all watched her and her mom and dad leave. Alec moved towards the door a couple feet and watched her leave before he pulled out his phone. I watched him text someone, probably Izzy.

Rachel and Britney started to giggle. Britney looked up at Alec, "Your girlfriend is so hideous it isn't even funny. And where does she shop? Goodwill?" Rachel was nodding laughing.

Camille just looked at me, smirking.

I didn't agree. I thought she was cute.

And how dare they say this stuff to my Alec?

My Alec? What…

Next thing I know Alec's hand slammed down on the table and his eyes drifted over to me. I could practically feel the hatred burning in his eyes. I've never been on the brunt of that kind of hatred, besides from my father. I didn't say those things Alec… I'm sorry.

His eyes stayed on me for a few seconds before he turned his gaze on Britney, "You people disgust me. Real nice, making fun of a cancer patient."

**AN: Sad cliffie! I'm sorry. But you guys should be proud of me, this chapter is well over 3,000 words and I still wanted to keep going. My longest chapter ever. Next chapter you'll find out more of Allie from Alec's POV. Now here is your turn to make some suggestions. Magnus will understand about what's going on soon about the book bag and stuff, should the confrontation be in Alec's or Magnus' POV? I have it thought out and outlined in both, and was considering making that chapter start off in Magnus' and moving to Alec's or maybe starting in Magnus' and moving to Alec's half way through. But it is coming! Soon! **


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Here's the new chapter ladies and gentlemen. This chapter was hard to write because being bullied and feeling alone is something I've felt before. So it was easy to just get into Alec's character in this chapter and I never wanted to stop writing, please R&R, and enjoy this chapter. Again, I own nothing except Allie, who I'm pleased to say that everyone likes her!**

We don't have to take this  
>Back against the wall<br>We don't have to take this  
>We can end it all<br>All you'll ever be  
>Is a faded memory of a bully<br>Make another joke  
>While they hang another rope<br>So lonely  
>Push him to the dirt<br>'Til the words don't hurt  
>Can you hear me?<br>No ones gonna cry  
>On the very day you die<br>You're a bully

Bully by Shinedown

**Alec POV:**

I don't know what just came over me. I dealt with that bitch Rachel staring at me this whole time. I dealt with Britney putting her head on Magnus' shoulder to spy on me and Allie. And I dealt with Camille smirking at the cruel joke Rachel and Britney were making.

But I couldn't deal with the ashamed and sad look Magnus gave me.

I've never been so angry and I just reacted, I punched their table. Even Ragnor looked shocked when they all stared up at me.

I felt my eyes drift over Magnus before letting them lock onto the girls. I felt the words leave my mouth. 'Cancer patient'.

And then… I took off.

That's what I'm doing now, speed walking as fast as I can without looking like I'm running, trying to get away from them as fast as I possibly can without breaking down.

My dear, sweet, Allie. Shortly before I met her, almost a year ago, she found out she had an inoperable tumor in her brain. It was cancer.

She's had a brave face but the part that always affected me and her parents the most is what the doctors said. She had 6 months, a year, if that. She made it 6 months but it's been almost a year now. And her body has slowly gotten weaker.

We used to hang out almost everyday after school. Over the summer we wouldn't be separated. I spent a good portion of my time sleeping next to her on her bed.

But the last few months have been really rough. She's been really sick, having the worst sorts of headaches; I've cleaned up enough of her sickness to know that her body is deteriorating right in front of our eyes.

I've looked up everything I could on brain tumors, and in this case there's nothing they can do. Today was a good day. She doesn't have many.

I tried to avert her eyes from the stares. She loved Taki's so when we walked in and I saw Magnus and his friends, I couldn't just walk her right on out. But I could keep her eyes on me and away from them.

She smiled throughout the whole time. We didn't even buy anything today. Just browsed.

When I felt her thin waist around my arm I barely held back the tears, though I don't think I held back the choking sound in my voice. I wanted to make things better for her…

Her arms were around my neck and she placed her lips on my cheek and I tightened my grip on her waist before I pulled away.

I knew it was silly; acting like this was goodbye forever. She has an appointment in a few days, to find out how far the cancer has progressed. How long they think she has.

But the moment was over and she was walking out with her mom and dad. As soon as she was out of eyeshot I was texting Isabelle to ask her to pick me up after the game.

I lied to Allie's dad; the game wouldn't be over for at least a couple hours as it just started not to long ago. But I was okay with walking around. With all of Allie's doctor's bills I couldn't ask them to waste money taking me all the way across town to my home.

Britney drew my attention to herself, talking about Allie being unattractive and buying her clothes at goodwill.

And I lost it. Just a second and I lost it.

I slammed my hand down on their table.

Rachel, Camille, and Britney's eyes were wide. Ragnor was thin lipped, and Magnus… I could see the sadness and pain in his eyes when I told them Allie had cancer. And then I ran.

I can feel the adrenaline literally rushing through my veins as I sidestep people, trying to find the exit blindly. I know my face is red and every face shows me Magnus' sad eyes.

Magnus pitied me. Pitied Allie.

I could hear someone saying my name behind me but I walked down the stairs to the lower floor and made my way towards the exit.

"Alexander, please, stop!"

Even though my entire body was trying to push me further away I slowed my steps and looked behind me. Magnus was following me.

I could see the worried look on his face from here, he was only 20 or 30 feet from me and I had a split second decision.

Wait for him, run outside, or go into one of the stores next to me and hide in a bathroom till he goes away.

The malls Books and Co. was right next to me so I walked in there and headed straight for the bathroom. This part of the store was giant, and I knew I would be able to lose him.

And luckily, the bathrooms were separated so there were no stalls, just a door that locked.

I was breathing heavily as I turned the lock. I turned towards the mirror and looked into it. I looked like hell came flying up and decided to torture me a bit.

My hair was more unruly then ever, my face was red, and the tears were dangerously threatening to come flying down.

I had to hold it in. Till Izzy comes.

I ran my hands down my front over to my pants to make sure my wallet hadn't fallen out of them when I was running away.

Damn, I ran. I confronted them, and then ran like a little girl.

I wanted to hate Magnus for being friends with them.

As I ran my hands down my front I could feel my beloved pocket knife, resting right next to my wallet.

Oh god… I want to so bad…

I pulled my knife out of my pocked and flipped the blade up. It would be so easy, just a couple more cuts…

I need the weight off my shoulders so bad right now.

I knew this was bad, this was a bad idea but I couldn't help rolling up my sleeves, this time I could cut my other arm… Just a few, and wrap it in toilet paper. And get more help later.

Just a few cuts…

Someone knocked on the door lightly and I cleared my throat, "Hold on a second."

Books and Co. has an amazing, obviously, book selection. I'll make a few lines, and then go find a book, sit down on one of their unbelievably comfortable chairs, and read til Izzy got here. I could do this. I can do this.

"Alexander, please come out."

My eyes widened. He followed me in here! Get a hint Magnus. I don't want to talk to you.

"Alec, come on. I didn't know they were going to act like that I'm so sorry."

I shook my head and kept staring at the mirror. Go away… Go away please… I couldn't voice it because I knew… I hoped, he wouldn't really leave.

"I'm going to stay right here till you talk to me. And I know it's going to look really weird to the other customers, I mean, I'm talking to a door."

I almost snorted in laughter.

I heard a weight against the door and I knew he was leaning against it. Waiting for me.

I looked longingly down at my knife before I sighed. Fine…

I flipped it shut and slid it back into my pants. I'm in trouble, real trouble. I got to be more careful then I'm being.

I turned the lock and opened the door slowly. I kept my eyes trained on the floor; I could see my shoes and his in my vision. I noticed one of his hands reaching for me and I think I stiffened to the point of being ice.

He must have noticed to and pulled his arm away.

Magnus cleared his throat, "So uh… you want to sit down? Or stand in the bathroom doorway all day?"

I know my face pinked and I shut the door of the bathroom and walked over to where I enjoyed sitting the most here. There were only a couple chairs and the store isn't very busy so it was just me, and Magnus.

I sat down in my favorite chair and he sat in front of me. A small table in between us.

I could feel his eyes on me but I still refused to look at him. I got to get home… I got to get away…

He cleared his throat again, "Alec, I'm sorry. About them, I hope you know I bitched them out before I chased you through the store."

I could feel my face heat up, again. I made him chase me through the whole store. I felt so bad… "I'm uh… I'm sorry… I didn't mean to make you uh… chase me. You know. I was just… upset."

I let my eyes rise and I looked him in the eyes. "I'm really sorry."

Magnus raised his eyebrow at me, "Don't be sorry darling. I'm sorry they were acting like that. It was wrong of them. And to set the record straight, Allie is pretty, and she doesn't deserve cancer."

I felt my eyes tighten as I tried to keep the tears in check. Magnus, this is the second time you've nearly brought me to tears. Why do you have this affect on me?

Before I knew it his hand was on my cheek, his fingers running back into my hair and his thumb brushed against my cheekbone. His smelled like… sandalwood.

My eyes widened and he smiled softly before pulling his hand away. "Sorry."

"It's no problem Magnus." What is he doing to me…?

And suddenly I wanted that smile on me again. I wanted that hand on me again. I wanted to tell him everything, everything because I wanted to lean on someone for once instead of letting everyone I love to lean on me.

But I couldn't.

I felt myself stand and he looked up at me with an unreadable expression, "I'm um… I'm just gonna walk home or something…"

He stood and grabbed my arm abruptly, "No, I'm not letting you do that. I'm driving you."

"I figured you brought Camille."

He nodded, "Yeah, but she's going home with Ragnor again. Besides after the way she was treating you and Allie, I don't want her in my car with me right now."

I couldn't help the blush that came rising up in my cheeks again. Part of me wished I could have seen Magnus chew out Camille and the others. It would have been a sight. It was like the old Magnus, the one who used to defend me, was back. The one who made school so much easier to handle.

He made me feel safe back then. And he's doing it now… why?

He gave me a ride home because he didn't want me to die of hypothermia or something. He chased me through the mall to make sure I was okay, now he's giving me a ride home to what?

His hand was still wrapped around my arm and I looked up at him. He was only a couple inches taller than me, but while I'm skinny and wiry, he's lean but still muscular. He stepped closer to me and I looked up into his eyes, they were still unreadable but his hand relaxed on my arm before he pulled me into his embrace.

My face was pressed against his shoulder and he had both of his hands pressed against my back, holding me against him.

I took in his sandalwood and other scent that must be Magnus' personal musk, and breathed in deeply. God I never wanted it to end.

I'd always wanted to know what it would feel like to be in his arms.

And now I know. Now I know… Will probably never know again, but at least I got to find out before…

His fingers slid to my elbows and he pulled back slightly. "I really am sorry. For what they did. It was uncalled for. I'm so sorry."

I felt myself smile slightly, "It isn't your fault. You took care of it though."

I pulled completely away from him and looked down.

He chuckled and grabbed for my hand, I felt his fingers squeeze my wrist, "Let's get you home."

And the second time in two days he dragged me to his car. He opened the door for me and I got in.

I texted Izzy saying she didn't need to come get me now, I had a ride.

This time, Magnus was quiet, didn't speak at all. But it wasn't awkward. Just a pleasant silence.

We pulled up to my house and he rested one of his hands on mine and I looked him in the eyes. He pulled one of his lips into his mouth and looked like he was chewing on it. I raised my eyebrow at him.

He smiled lightly, "Are you sure you're okay darling?"

My cheeks flamed again and I nodded, "Thank you, for being there. And uh… for the hug."

He chuckled, "I can give you one of those any time you want one. Even right now."

Before I knew it he had my belt off, one arm around my back and had pulled me against him.

It was more awkward, probably because I was expecting it this time, but I had a hard time not putting my head on his shoulder and relaxing into his embrace.

I pulled away first this time, and he looked… disappointed? No Alec, don't be stupid he wouldn't be disappointed about not getting to hug you more.

I felt for the door handle and pushed the door open and got out.

I looked back in at him and his gold and green eyes met mine. "Thank you Magnus."

He smiled again, "I guess I'll see you Monday?"

I nodded. I was having trouble closing the door. I didn't want to take my eyes off of him.

He smiled wider, "Then I can't wait to see you darling."

My heart fluttered and I waved before shutting the door and rushing up the stairs to my door. I waved again as I opened it and stepped inside, my mother just in the entrance, "Who was that, Alexander?"

I pushed the door shut, "A friend, mother."

I chewed on my bottom lip lightly, he'll only ever be my friend… when Allie dies, so will I… When Allie dies… I will too.

So there can never be a Magnus and I, but at least I can hold onto those hugs for a little bit.

**AN: So now you all know what he's planning, he wants to commit suicide because Allie doesn't have a lot of time left and as soon as she's gone, he thinks he will be. I'm not sure if I'm going to give this a good or bad ending, thoughts? I also got in the first contact, well, two. Two hugs. Next chapter is Monday, so they'll be at school together. The big reveal is coming soon!**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: I know these chapters are usually posted earlier in the day so sorry for the delay, I had an appointment earlier so couldn't do it till now ^^ I hope you all enjoy this chapter. 34 reviews guys! Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews. I tried to respond to them all ^^. Please keep it up and enjoy this chapter. **

Do you think about me  
>Like I think about you?<br>Do you think about me  
>Like I think about you?<br>Oh, yeah

Sometimes I wonder if you wonder  
>What it could have been like<br>When you're sitting there drinking coffee  
>Are you thinking of me<br>When it's thundering and raining outside?

Do you think about me – Carrie Underwood

**Magnus' Pov:**

I dropped off Alec and immediately went home. It didn't matter that I didn't get to shop or do anything with my friends in the store, besides feeling like complete shit because of what they were saying.

I'm for sure not going to speak to Britney or Rachel again unless it's to yell at them some more. I think they got off easy. I called them and Camille asshole's for being so rude to Alec and Allie. I told them they were despicable for being so hurtful to two people who didn't deserve it.

I wanted to say more but I was afraid I'd lose Alec. I had to follow him. I had to explain and say sorry.

Granted I probably looked insane, chasing the poor boy through the mall. And I wasn't helping myself calling out to him.

He wasn't being very sneaky, dashing into Books and Co. I personally have never been in there but I saw him run for the bathroom. It was just my luck it was a solo bathroom and not one that had multiple stalls.

I felt like an idiot, leaning against the door, trying to talk to him through it. I was so sure he wouldn't open it but I was determined to wait for him, even if I had to wait a couple hours for Isabelle to get there to pick him up.

Alec finally opened the door and I just wanted to yank him into my arms. He had tears in his eyes, and was barely keeping them in. I wanted to caress his face, and never let him go.

What? I just want to make him feel better… not rub his face and hold him. Okay, maybe you do Magnus, but just as a friend right?

Sitting across from him was awkward. He didn't really talk except to stutter and say sorry. You're sorry? I kept thinking how stupid you were being.

Alec didn't need to be sorry. He hadn't done the wrong, stupid things. Britney, Rachel, even Camille were being monsters.

I offered, well, ordered that he would ride with me back to his house.

And the next thing I know I had his arms gripped in my hands and I was pulling him towards me. He stiffened but I had my hands on his back, keeping him pressed against me.

He is only a couple inches shorter than me, and it was perfect. Our bodies were molded together perfectly, I didn't want to let go of him. I could feel every part of his chest pressed against me, it was faint but I could feel his heart beat slamming against his chest, pressed against mine.

He was nervous and it was cute, I just wanted to keep him pressed against myself forever.

He pulled away and his face was so deliciously red. I just wanted to press my lips against his cheeks, those beautiful rosy hues. Possibly slide my lips down his neck, and finding out if that blush reaches down to his chest instead of just his cheeks, neck, and ears.

I shut the door to door to my house and leaned against it, sliding down to the ground. Chairman Meow padded over to me and mewed softly, pressing himself against my side.

For once I didn't cuddle him or hold him; I just wanted to think about that beautiful boy. He was truly, oh, so, beautiful.

Screw Camille and everyone else, I want that blue eyed, black haired boy. Want him more than I've ever wanted anyone else, and I could have anyone in the world if I wanted.

But I don't… I want that boy.

The hug in the car was more awkward but I could still feel him pressed against me, I wanted to do that again. I need to feel him in my arms again; it just felt so right…

So perfect.

I pushed myself up off the floor and dashed upstairs. I was going to find the perfect outfit for Monday! I had to wear something that Alexander would enjoy, I am going to woo that boy if it was the last thing I would do!

On Monday, I dressed in black skinny jeans and a black and white long sleeved checked shirt. I was hoping it would impress him.

I tapped my fingers impatiently against the steering wheel. Isabelle, Jace, and Alec were cutting it really close to be at school on time. Isabelle and Jace don't really care about being tardy but I know that Alec probably thinks it's a sin to be late for school.

For the first time in quite awhile I'm actually early. I wanted to walk in beside him, possibly hold his hand, or something damnit!

Finally their car pulls into the parking lot and slides into a spot a few spaces down from me. They pulled in crooked and Izzy jumps out of the driver's seat. I should have expected that, it's pretty much known at school that you should never ride in a car while Isabelle Lightwood is driving. She just wasn't good at it. Jace and Alec must really trust or her must really be stupid and brave.

Jace and Alec climb out of the backseat and I rip the keys out of the ignition and I feel like I'm flying to be at his side in a heartbeat.

Jace's eyebrows raise and he looks me up and down, "Hey sparkles, what's up?"

My eyes narrow at him; he's called me sparkles ever since he's gotten to the school. Ass.

"Just here to walk Alexander to class."

His eyebrows rose impossibly higher and he looked at Alec to confirm this. Alec looked at me and back at Jace, his face red, "It's okay Jace, we kind of got along at the party and at the mall."

Jace didn't seem to care really; he just nodded and headed up to the school front building.

Alec tried to walk away but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back to me, he looked up and I saw that former fire in his eyes, "You don't have to walk me to class. I have my own two feet and I'm going to use them."

Whoa, feisty. I smirked at him, "Nothing wrong with me walking next to you? We do have the same first period class you know."

He sighed and visibly stiffened. He seemed to be having a war going on in his brain, and happily the side that likes me won out. "Okay Magnus… let's get to class before we get in trouble."

The warning bell had just rung and I followed him towards the school, I opened the doors for him which made him blush. I was happy about that.

We were awkwardly quiet again but at least he was letting me walk with him. My fingers were brushing along his back as we continued towards the art room, I was happy to say the first period of the day is my favorite. We could also pick where we wanted to sit.

I made sure to drag him over to my usual table, and didn't listen to his protests. He usually sat next to Clary, well if she wanted to sit with him she could come over here.

Unfortunately, she did and sat across from us too, and kept giving me glares as she leaned towards Alec whispering to him as the teacher talked about some new kind of project we were going to work on. We had to make a painting about the person or thing that inspired us the most.

We had to turn in rough sketches of it, and then a full drawing, and lastly the painting. I had a feeling that I knew a certain blue eyed boy would be the subject of my project…

Alec steadily ignored me but I knew he could feel my eyes on him, his back was getting straighter and straighter but he kept his eyes on Clary. I let my fingers slide over his hand and he looked up at me, blushing again.

I let my fingers slide in-between his and laced them together. It just felt so… right. His hand in mine. I picked up his hand and laid it gently down on my thigh, keeping our hands firmly laced together so he couldn't pull away.

He sat to the left of me so I had his right hand cradled in mine, sliding my thumb across the skin over his knuckles. He wasn't reacting more than a light blush but I knew he liked it.

I turned our hands so I could have easier access to run my thumb down to his wrist, just wanting to feel his heartbeat against my thumb.

My finger grazed some material that I knew wasn't an undershirt or one of those hideous wrist bands. It was gauze, his wrist was bandaged.

Alec jerked his arm away from me and I could see his eyes widen. I reached for his hand again under the table but he pulled it away again.

I flipped open my art sketch book and tore out one of the pages. Clary was deep in thought and was busy drawing so I knew it would be safe for at least a couple minutes. I wrote a note and pushed it towards him.

**What happened? Are you okay?**

He sighed and wrote back, **I'm fine, why wouldn't I be? Just kept myself on accident at home.**

I narrowed my eyes at the note. No way, he freaked out when I touched the bandage. Was it… was it on purpose? Does he cut himself?

I pulled the paper back towards myself and scribbled a quick note, I know we only have a few more minutes in class; **you can talk to me about anything. What did you do?**

He paled when he read it and pushed it back to me without writing an answer. I knew it, he's cutting himself. All my friends, back then, were right.

But it hurts… It hurts me to think of what kind of pain he is in. What could possibly be happening to make him maul his beautiful flesh?

The bell rang and he jumped up and sped walked for the door.

I had a few seconds to decide… follow him and confront him or not?

I stood and walked in the direction I knew he would be going.

I'm following him; I'm going to save him from himself.

**AN: I hope you all liked this chapter. It was kind of rushed I know and a little hard to read, I have the most trouble in Magnus' POV's, but next chapter will have both of them in it and they'll talk about Alec's self harm, but not the suicide attempts, you'll still have to wait a little bit before Magnus really thinks about what was going on with Alec at the lake. But please review and hopefully you enjoyed this chapter. **


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Here's the new chapter! I hope you enjoy this. As always I own nothing except Allie who isn't really in this chapter at all. The only warnings for this chapter is talking about self harm. Enjoy. **

Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do  
>When they settle 'neath your skin<br>Kept on the inside and no sunlight  
>Sometimes a shadow wins<br>But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say  
>And let the words fall out<br>Honestly I wanna see you be brave  
>With what you want to say<br>And let the words fall out  
>Honestly I wanna see you be brave<p>

Brave by SARA BAREILLES

**Alec's POV:**

All I could think about as I walked out of that room was getting as far away from Magnus as humanly possible. My next class was math and I didn't have that class with him so I knew he couldn't come in with me.

I shouldn't have pulled away from him, I shouldn't have gotten scared, and I shouldn't have looked so guilty when he asked about it. I should have just said I cut my arm at home while cooking dinner. Or that I fell and skinned my arm so bad it bled. Or something… I shouldn't have looked so guilty.

I think a part of me wanted someone to find out. But not Magnus.

I could see the pity in his eyes. At least he didn't look disgusted in me… well maybe he was. He might have been, I don't know.

I stopped at my locker and grabbed my math book.

"Alec wait."

I closed my eyes briefly and sighed, the hallway was crowded, and it wouldn't do well for him to talk to me about this in front of everyone. I shut my locker and kept walking towards my classroom. Hoping with the people in-between us he wouldn't catch up to me before I got safely in my desk.

I kept walking, I could hear him saying my name again but I just kept moving ahead. I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to see his pity, and most importantly I didn't want him to tell anyone.

If Izzy or Jace or even mom and dad find out… they'd probably send me away to some hospital somewhere and force me into therapy or something. No one would be able to save me though. My lifeline is tied directly to my dying best friend's. If she goes, I do. No one can stop that unless they strap me to a bed for the rest of my life.

I'm going to have to talk to Magnus sometime. Beg him not to tell anyone, say it was a one time mistake, nothing more nothing less. I can fix this mistake, and hopefully he'll understand. Hopefully he will listen to me.

I could feel his fingertips brush my shoulder and I finally turned around, I knew the bell would ring in a minute, and I could make my class but I didn't know if he could make his. I might as well just talk to him, as much as I hate missing classes I don't think it'll matter in a few months anyways, when I'm six feet down.

I shouldn't have tried to run from him, I've already tried this, he's taller than me, has longer legs, he could catch up to me easily. I looked up at him and tried to calm my breathing. "What do you want Magnus?"

Some of our classmates who were late stragglers were pointing and talking. The most popular guy in the school talking to the least popular guy? What a shocker! We'd be the talk of the school in no time. Izzy and Jace will probably ask me about this later…

He tilted his head to the side and I swear I could see the hurt in his eyes. But it disappeared quickly; maybe I was just imagining it. "We need to talk about this, let's go to the bathroom, the one in the music wing, it's not a multi stall bathroom so we can lock the door and no one can come in and hear us."

I sighed again and looked back towards my math class; my teacher wasn't outside waiting for the stragglers so no help came from that way. He gripped my shoulder tighter, "Alexander, you're not getting out of this. Let's go."

I turned back to him and nodded. The bell rang shrilly as we were walking back down towards the gym, cafeteria, and music hallway.

I couldn't believe I was actually going to talk to him about this. I didn't want to, I really didn't, but I had to make sure he didn't tell anyone about this. I would do anything to stop him.

My family would send me to a hospital; I'd never get to see Allie again. I wouldn't get to see my family, I wouldn't want to. And I wouldn't get to see Magnus… for some reason that hurt. Maybe he won't want to see me again. Maybe he's just pretending to be concerned when he really thinks I'm a freak.

My feet felt like lead as he led me down the hallway towards the music rooms. It felt like I was walking to my impending doom, my heart beat is racing against my chest. I have to stop freaking out. Magnus would never do anything to hurt me… right?

We walked by the Chorus and Band rooms, his hand planted firmly on my shoulder, and he pushed open the door to the bathroom, there are only two stalls in the room and the door can be locked from the inside. He pushed the lock shut and turned towards me. His eyes unreadable.

Here we go, he's about to tell me that he's going to tell someone. He's going to yell at me. Or worse, he's going to tell me he hates me for being weak. I'm not sure which of these options is the worse one.

I'm afraid he's going to hate me. After the two hugs and him calling me darling a few times I don't think he dislikes me, but I don't think it's anything more than a couple awkward hugs for him, even though to me it meant someone cares…

He's just staring at me… "Magnus, it was a one time mistake. I was upset about something about I just did it. But I will never do it again I swear."

He didn't say anything, just stared. What is he thinking?

**Magnus' POV:**

I chased him again, probably looked like a creepy weirdo again. There were people watching our exchange and I tried to keep his eyes on me even though they kept drifting towards his second classroom.

People were pointing and talking. I know I'm really popular, and Alec is… not. We probably looked weird, just standing in the hall staring at each other. I was expecting him to say no to going to the bathroom with me.

If anyone saw us going in there, which I'm sure no one did, they'd probably have a million questions and everyone would assume we're together. God I wish that was true… But I need to know the truth about him and his cuts.

I couldn't help the anger when he just blatantly lied to me.

"Magnus, it was a one time mistake. I was upset about something about I just did it. But I will never do it again I swear." Alec's eyes were looking into mine, pleading for me to understand.

But I don't understand Alec. Why would you cut yourself? What could be so bad in your life you have to hurt yourself? I don't get it. But I stayed quiet, just staring at him. Trying to think of the best thing to do.

When I chased him I had a good thought in my mind. I would corner him, force him to tell me the truth, than tell him it's all okay and tell him he maybe needs some help.

Now I don't know what to do, the urge to pull him into my arms once again was coming onto me. To hold onto him and try to force some happiness into his life was something I really wanted to do. But is it someone I will do? I don't know.

Alec's eyes were getting wider and wider, he looked terrified. I could feel my fingers stroking his shoulder, trying to calm him.

I could feel the words leaving my lips before I could stop them, "Don't lie to me, and was this really the first time?"

His eyes immediately were downcast and I could see the answer before he even answered, "Okay I've done it more than once but not recently. I don't do it often, only when I get… really upset about something. It makes me feel better. But I swear Magnus I won't do it again. Please don't tell anyone, my parents, Izzy, Jace, they'll kill me, bring me back to clean up the mess, than send me to some hospital. I'm really okay."

As he was talking I was nodding along, his sister and adopted brother would probably kill him than find some way to bring him back and get him help. They'll be angry at first than really supportive. I don't see how they've never figured this out when I've only really talked to him for a couple days…

"Alec… please tell me you'll never do this again. Promise me, you'll never cut again and I won't tell any of them." And I'll make sure you never cut again… I'll keep my eye on you as long as I can, I'll protect you from yourself.

Alec nodded possibly a little too quickly, "I swear I won't. This was a one time thing, I was just really upset."

I nodded. "When did you do it? It had to either be after my friends beat you up or my other friends made fun of you and Allie."

He winced, "It was the day you took me home from the party. After Marcus and his friends uh… beat me up."

I shut my eyes and nodded again… I regret not kicking that fucker's ass. I should have done it. Instead of just stopping him, I should have made him regret having ever touched Alec. I'll make that right, but right now I have to take care of Alec.

I pulled him in for a hug, my arms sliding around his back and my hands running up and down his back slowly, pushing at the knots in his muscles. Trying to ease the fear out of him.

"Alec I won't tell anyone. I want to keep you safe. That's all I want. If this was really a one time mistake, and you won't do it again no matter what, I won't tell anyone. I just want to make sure you're safe, and I can't do that if your family sends you away somewhere or if everyone in school knows you hurt yourself."

I could feel the tension easing out of him and I kept my hands light, gently running up and down his back. Giving him the option of pulling out of my arms if he wanted to. My heart stuttered and my eyes widened when a soft sob left his lips. I pulled him against me tighter.

"I'm sorry Magnus, it won't happen again. I promise." His face was pressed against my shoulder but I could hear him clearly, I could also feel wetness against my shoulder. I clutched at the back of his shirt and pressed my face against his hair, shushing him.

"It's okay Alexander. You're going to be okay now I promise. I won't let anyone hurt you again, I'll make sure you're safe here, I won't let anyone make fun of you or beat you up ever again."

I can't really do anything about his home life, but I could at least make sure no one here makes fun of him or hits him ever again here. I can keep him safe.

Alec pulled away and I could see the tears in his eyes. "Thank you Magnus."

I ran my fingertips along his jaw and pressed my lips against his cheek, it's not what I wanted to do, but it's a start. A start of me and Alexander Lightwood.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Sorry guys I didn't post a chapter last week, I was busy all week and couldn't get to the library. And I know its Thursday; I didn't have time this week either. But I will be posting a chapter again later this week or on Monday as usual so at least you'll be getting two so close together! So here's the next chapter! This is the first date part 1; since the date was really long I thought I would put it into two chapters for you guys. Please enjoy and as always, I own nothing and please review.**

When you smile, I melt inside

I'm not worthy for a minute of your time

I really wish it was only me and you

I'm jealous of everybody in the room

Please don't look at me with those eyes

Please don't hint that you're capable of lies

I dread the thought of our very first kiss

A target that I'm probably gonna miss

Let's go, don't wait, this night's almost over

Honest, let's make this night last forever

Forever and ever, let's make this last forever

Forever and ever, let's make this last forever

- First Date – Blink 182

**Alec's POV**:

Let's just say the last week has been amazing and awkward and terrible all at the same time. Magnus and I aren't officially dating but he has forced me to go out to get food with him a couple days this week and he's driven me home from school each day when Jace and Isabelle had practices.

It's been eleven days since he discovered my habit. Eleven days since he took me into that bathroom, and eleven days since his lips were pressed against my cheek.

I swear if I think about it, I can still feel the tingle of his lips on my cheek.

It's Friday now, and I know he has some plans for us afterschool. I'm secretly worried he's going to want to go somewhere public. Izzy knows I'm gay but Jace doesn't, and no one at school does, unless they suspect.

I suppose I was very lucky when no one at school saw us leave the bathroom together last week. He's tried to hold my hand coming into the building and in-between classes when we've had classes together, but I wouldn't let him. Of course, knowing Magnus, he wouldn't be easily deterred.

So instead he's taken to resting his hand on my back whenever we're near each other, or putting his hand on my shoulder. Or leaning in towards me whenever possible. Or trying to sneak a hug at any given moment. It's driving me crazy. But I love it, I feel loved.

So that about covers why I've felt amazing and awkward. As for the terrible…

I can't cut my wrists now. Every time I see him and we're alone he always has me show him my wrists. I don't have the heart to tell him I have cuts all up my arms, down my legs, and across my torso. I don't want to tell him that I'm scarred on almost every single inch of my body. It's not like he'll ever see it.

He's asked me a bunch of questions about my cutting, why I started, when I started, if he hadn't had stopped me would I still be doing it. I had no answers except for a lie for the last one. I knew if I had told him I still wanted to do it and am still doing it he'd freak out and probably tell my brother, sister, or parents.

And that just won't do.

I'm standing next to Magnus' car now, my last class I'm an aide and close to the front doors so I leave the building a little bit before everyone else does. I felt my hand drifting down to my left thigh, where I knew there were a few thin lines I had made a couple days ago. It kills me to lie to Magnus, but I don't know what else to do.

There's no way I can give up cutting. And right now there's no way I want to go without having those powerful arms around me anymore. Or without those lips on my cheeks or forehead.

That's another funny thing; he hasn't tried to push me. He knows I need time. I guess I haven't known him as well as I should have. There's no way he'd ever force me into doing something I don't want. But right now I do want to feel his lips on mine; I've never been kissed before. Not in any way that counted, besides you know, my parents or sister or brothers.

And now that's all I want. I want Magnus to be my first kiss, since he's already starting to be my first love… No that won't do. It'll just hurt in the end, when Allie dies… I will. This makes what's going on a little bit worse. Last week at her appointment the doctors said her health was deteriorating. This means I won't have much time left with her, so I've tried to equally give her and Magnus all the time I possibly can. I won't waste a single moment.

When the door to the school opened and I saw a mess of glittery hair I smiled and waved. He waved back and walked down the steps towards me. I opened the passenger seat of the car and got in, waiting for him. I'd already pulled my sleeves up to my elbows.

He got in and pulled his seat belt on before looking at me with raised eyes.

I turned my arms towards him, "No cuts, not since before and that'll never happen again."

He smiled and my breath hitched, again. Those eyes lit up and I could see his perfect teeth. Him happy is definitely worth this daily inspection. I just have to make sure he never wants to look anywhere else…

He put the key in the ignition and the car in drive while I pulled out my cell phone and texted Izzy that I wouldn't be riding with them again. I was having a friend drive me home. I think Izzy suspected that Magnus and I were in a relationship now. Whenever she saw us together she'd always give us a smirk. Even though both of us have told our friends we decided to try and be friends since it was Magnus' last year and we wouldn't get a chance next year once he's in college. If he's going to college.

I turned to him as we drove out of the parking lot, "So uh… Magnus. Where are we going tonight?"

He smirked and my small smile instantly faded. I knew it! He's taking me somewhere public and he knows I won't like it! He eyed me and his smirk slowly started to fade as well, "It's a secret. But I bought you an outfit for it. We're going out to dinner first, little Italian place, no one we know will be there."

I nodded. I could have dinner at a small Italian place, no problem. But the outfit thing? We're having dinner first? What's second? Oh boy what have I gotten myself into?

He placed his hand not on the wheel on mine and we drove in silence towards his house. I'd only been there a few times, and the only people I'd ever seen were maids, I haven't seen his mom or dad, and I'm not sure I should ask or not. When I brought up his parents once his face got stony and his eyes hardened, so I dropped the subject.

This time once we got to his house he opened my door for me again, what a gentleman… and escorted me inside. Instantly his rat sized cat leaped onto my leg and curled against my foot. I leaned down to scratch behind his ears, "Hey there Chairman."

Magnus instantly reached down and picked him up, cuddling him against his face. That poor cat, always having to be smooshed up against Magnus' face. Well, that probably isn't bad for him, it wouldn't be for me. Where the hell did that come from? When someone usually wants to talk to me or touch me I run so fast in the other direction they don't even see me leave.

Magnus looked at me and smiled, "What's on your mind? You've been quiet since we left the school. Oh! Let's go to my room and check out your outfit for tonight!"

I smiled back and quickly followed him up the stairs. He led me down to his room, nodding at one of the maids who was walking down the hallway. I smiled at her and nodded as well.

He opened his bedroom door and walked in, I followed him, blushing. I'd only been in here a couple times, sat on his bed once, and he was laying on it next to me at the time. I hate how inexperienced I am. I know he's gone all the way, I'm sure he has! With lots of different people. Yet here he is with me, the person he knows is the most inexperienced person in the entire school. Possibly in the entire state!

Okay maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic, but my face is red just by walking into his bedroom. That is what he does to me on a daily basis now.

He opened his closet door with a flourish only he would be able to pull off and walked into it. I sat down on his bed and watched him throw a black buckled jacket out of his closet and a blue sequined shirt and this and that and all these clothes ended up on the floor. Knowing Magnus, he would probably wash all these clothes just because they are touching the floor, even though it was him that threw them out of the closet.

Finally I could hear a muffled; "Aha!" and he came out of the closet with armful of clothes so high it was covering his face.

I looked timid I'm sure, "Magnus… you know you're taller than me right? Your clothes will be to long on me."

He set the clothes on his bed and nodded, "Yeah, and I'm a little bit bigger than you too. So my clothes won't fit period. But I bought us both a new outfit for tonight."

He pulled up a pair of black, extremely tight, skinny jeans I know are for him. And also a rainbow colored shirt I wouldn't touch in a million years, plus if you look at it just right it was basically see through. That wasn't the worst part. I looked at the other clothes on the bed and he was smirking, no.

No. Way.

But Magnus wouldn't take no for an answer. That's how, two hours later, I'm standing outside of a small Italian restaurant wearing dark red, leather extra tight skinny jeans, a black shimmery, tight t-shirt, and his black buckled jacket that's a little to big for me. You can be sure it was buckled all the way so the only embarrassing thing on me you could see was the jeans. But Magnus was constantly placing a hand on my hip or wrapped around my waist, and I think he looked at my butt in them!

Part of me liked the attention, but a big part of me just wanted to run away before anyone saw me in anything other than black. Or in something this… revealing.

He removed his hand from around my waist when he opened the door for me; I barely listened when he asked for a table for two, or what the waiter was saying about the specials as he led us to our table. There were only a few dining couples, and no one seemed to be looking our way so first date, so far so good.

We sat and we talked about our day, silly stuff like that. He had his hand on mine almost the entire time; I'd never been here before so he ordered for both of us. Since I'm tall, and he's even taller, our knees would brush or one of his ankles would press against mine. At these moments I wouldn't be sure if it was on purpose or not.

The food was exquisite but he told me not to eat very much, and maybe he shouldn't have chosen Italian before our next event. Which made me assume dancing or something else of the sort.

"Magnus, I can't take the suspense anymore. Where are we going?"

He smirked and looked down at his lasagna, then back up at me, his gold-green eyes shining, "It's a surprise baby."

I blushed, he's only called me baby a couple times and both times I turned bright red, and apparently am still doing it. "I'm full; can we go do this now?"

He smirked more and picked up the bill before placing the tip down on the table. The waiter came bustling over, "Will this be all gentlemen? Will you need a box?"

Magnus shook his head and got up; I stood up next to him and pulled the jacket around me as tight as I could. Magnus walked towards the front to pay for the meals and I trailed behind him, probably looking like a lost little puppy dog in the process. To be blunt, I'm not sure if I want to know where he's taking me or what he's planning on doing.

I'm okay with dancing or some other type of exercising. But I don't want to do anything with a whole bunch of people.

Magnus paid and pushed the door open for me. I walked out and he followed before grabbing my hands. I looked up into his eyes and he smirked again, "You ready to have some real fun now?"


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Hey guys, I haven't forgotten about this story I promise! I know this is a little bit late; I've tried to come up with a schedule for this and my new story Captured. I am a proud writer right now; there are over 50 reviews on this story! Thank you for all the feedback you've given me and here is a new story. The date from Magnus' point of view, the dancing and all that jazz. It does kind of end on a sour note though. I hope you enjoy and as always please review. **

Tonight I'm gonna dance for all that we've been through.  
>But I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you.<br>Tonight I'm gonna dance like you were in this room.  
>But I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you,<p>

Holy Ground – Taylor Swift

**Magnus POV:**

My fingers were twinned with Alec's, and my other hand was pressed against the small of his back. We were walking slowly, in our own little world. I made sure to walk him down streets not many people were, for fear that he'd go running to the hills. I'm not sure how happy he'll be when he finds out that I'm taking him to Pandemonium. It's the greatest club in this city, maybe not the greatest everywhere but it's still a decent club.

I feel a little bit naughty, taking him to a club without telling him that's where we're going. I know if I had told him back at the restaurant he would have wanted to go straight home.

I gotta loosen him up a little. Make him see the fun side of life. Because honestly I don't think he even knows what real fun is. If you don't count hanging out with Allie. He's been very tentative about talking to me about her, and I've asked to meet her but he in a polite way sort of blew me off and moved on to another point of discussion.

I know earlier in the week he left school to go somewhere with Allie, an appointment. Probably a doctor's appointment, when I asked if she was okay he got kind of pale. I need to figure out what's going on in that brain of his.

But not now.

Now we're going to a club, a fun, dancing, club where we can just talk or hopefully dance. I wonder if he knows how to dance… I glance at him, he's looking down and just following my lead, no, he probably doesn't know the first thing about dancing.

I will drag this boy out of the closet if I have to. But hopefully he'll just walk out, hand in hand with me. I laugh inwardly, yeah right. Like he'd ever be okay with that. I'm going to work hard at making this boy okay in his own skin.

"Magnus?"

I'm pulled out of my thoughts and I look at him, "Yeah?"

I could see his face pink. "I was just wondering what fun we're going to have? Where are we going?"

I smirked at him and I could see his face pink even more, "We're going to one of my favorite places in this city."

I pulled him down an alley and stop behind a line of people, leading into Pandemonium.

Alec went rigid and I looked at him, he was staring at the line and back towards me. "No."

"Yes Alec."

"No."

"Yes, Alexander."

"No means no."

"No means yes in this case."

"You have a hard time with the answer no don't you?"

My eyes closed and I rubbed them, I knew this was going to be hard but my name is Magnus Bane and I do not give up this easily. "Alec, we will just go inside and sit down. We can talk. We can dance. We will do whatever you want as long as you are comfortable. Okay? Haven't you been here before?"

He nodded and looked down, "I've brought Izzy and Jace here but that's it. I've always just waited outside to take them home. I've never been in there and I don't want to."

My fingers that were on his back pressed against his spine and I pulled him against me. He made a soft oomph noise as his chest hit mine. I had to take a second to relax my senses, I could smell the faint hint of cologne on him, something I know he's never worn before and I feel touched that he would wear it for me.

I could feel my hand working of its own accord and slide down his spine, my other hand cupping his cheek lightly. "Alexander you'll be okay. We'll just talk. Promise."

Alec's face kept getting brighter and brighter pink as I held him against me. He started stuttering and I pressed my lips to his forehead lightly before pulling away from him altogether, he probably wouldn't be okay with being touched and kissed in public, in front of all the people in this line.

Finally he smiled, "Okay let's go in."

I had to admire him for his bravery; as soon as he said it he walked straight to the back of the line and stood there, stubbornly.

He doesn't know I'm a VIP member; I don't have to wait at the back. I grabbed his arm gently and pulled him to the front, my eyes crossing with the bodyguards, who pulled back the velvet rope. I nodded in Alec's direction and the guard nodded back, I pulled Alec inside.

The noise hit me first, and then I noticed all the bodies grating against each other. On a normal night I would get a drink, then jump in the mix and dance till 3 or 4 in the morning.

Not tonight, I headed for the back room where I know there's stairs that lead up to the VIP room. The VIP room is really nice. It has it's own bar, lounge, dance floor, and the greatest part is has a glass wall where you can look out at the regular dance floor below you, yet they can't see up at us, the glass wall is one way.

Plus I know very few of the people at are school can get in, only the wealthiest kids can afford to get in here, and I'm one of them. I know some of my friends can get in, but it's doubtful they'd come up here. The VIP room usually has the older people who don't want to hang with the kids, and usually there are only 20 or 30 people at a time dancing on the dance floor in there.

I led Alec up the stairs and nod at another bodyguard; he let me and Alec in without question. I pull Alec over towards the lounge and sit in an unoccupied couch, pulling him down next to me.

My eyes linger over the dance floor and other couches and the bar, there's no one I recognize so I see no problem resting one of my hands on Alec's leg.

I notice his eyes linger on it before looking in mine, not objectifying my hand. Score one for Magnus! Ahem, sorry bout that.

I wrapped my other arm around his shoulders and looked back in his, "You want a drink?"

"Just… just water please."

Now we're back to stuttering, I got up and walked to the bar. The bartender who is usually here looked at me, "For the last time Magnus. You're 19. You can't have alcohol."

"I don't want alcohol, I just want two waters."

He raised his brow at me but didn't say anything; he just got two Fiji water bottles and handed them to me, "Bon apatite buddy."

I turned around and had to sigh inwardly, at the door of the VIP room Marcus and Jesse just walked in, the guys who were messing with Alec at the lake. The guys who also have bullied him for a couple years. And the guys who have called him gay and emo and a cutter. Oh boy.

I hurried back to the couch and grabbed his hand, "Alec, I know you don't want to dance, but Marcus and Jesse are here but won't see us if we're dancing on the floor."

Alec momentarily froze before following me out to the VIP dance floor. I knew for a face Marcus and Jesse wouldn't even come near here. They don't like to dance, and probably wouldn't even look in here.

But as I pressed myself against Alec's back and felt the firm muscles I just couldn't think about them anymore. Sure Alec can't dance, he's actually quite bad at it, but I just felt so right pressed against him.

We were moving to a hip hop song, the music blaring in our ears, and I felt myself grating against his back, sliding my hands down to his hips I pressed my lips against his ear, kissing along it down to his neck. He tensed slightly but relaxed in my arms after a second.

We moved against each other until the song was over and I glanced at the door and the couches, they were gone. I sighed and pulled him back off the floor, "They're gone Alec. We can stop dancing now."

I was surprised when he smiled, "its fine Magnus, I uh… I liked it."

"Hey Magnus! What are you doing with the freak?"

I turned, fuck I didn't look at the bar… Marcus and Jesse were coming right at us.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Here's the next chapter for Saving Alec. I've been putting off this chapter because the ending was really hard to write and we're getting sort of close to the halfway point of this story. There may be 7 or 8 chapters left and that makes me sad, unless I change some things. I constantly do that, I write like 5 drafts per chapter and when I get on the computer I change my final draft. A lot. So what you see is what you get. Anyways, enjoy this chapter as always. And please review, it makes me smile when I get reviews. Even the critique ones. So please enjoy. And the warnings are suicidal thoughts, strong language, sadness all around.**

Frozen inside without your touch  
>Without your love, darling<br>Only you are the life among the dead

All this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
>Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me<br>I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
>Got to open my eyes to everything<br>Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul  
>Don't let me die here<br>There must be something more  
>Bring me to life<p>

Bring me to life – Evanescence

**Alec POV:**

I knew it couldn't have been this easy. As soon as Marcus opened up his mouth I could feel myself pulling away from Magnus without even thinking about it. My hand slipping from his grasp.

He didn't look at me, he looked towards Marcus and Jesse and his eyes narrowed. My eyes just fell to the floor. I need to get out of here. How could I have possibly thought that this was a good idea? Of course someone would be here. That's just my luck. I don't deserve to be here with Magnus.

Marcus approached with Jesse until they were right in front of us. Marcus gave me a look of disgust before he looked towards Magnus, "Charity huh Magnus? Why do you keep spending time with this freak? Did someone put you up to this?"

Magnus sighed and looked at me before back at them, "We're just friends. Hanging out."

Marcus' eyes narrowed. "You're friends with him? Come on. I heard what happened at the mall and yeah I know that probably wasn't a good thing that happened but still, why do you want to be friends with him? He's a suicidal head case."

That was enough. How could they possibly know!? Unless… they don't know but are just guessing? I don't know, but I've had enough. "Magnus… I'm uh… I'm just gonna go home."

He reached out his hand for me but I pulled back. "I'm just going to walk home alone. Have a good time with your friends."

I turn around and walk away from the dance floor, but more importantly, away from Magnus. How could I have possibly thought he and I would be good for each other? He made me happy for a few days, okay that's enough. I would just bring him in closer to tear him down when I die.

Unless this is charity… unless he really does think I'm a suicidal head case. He could really be "friends" with me because he knows I have problems and without him I'd possibly be dead.

No, without Allie. Even if I have Magnus, when Allie dies, so will I.

I walk out of the VIP area down to the main area and out the door. There are so many people I almost forget how to breathe. This is too much.

My feet move on their own accord, I'm walking in the general area of my home. I should have told Izzy and Jace I needed the car tonight… but they wanted to go to a party. The only reason I didn't go was because of this failed date.

My very first date and it was ruined.

"Alec please wait."

My feet keep moving, faster this time; it probably looks like he's chasing me. Look at that, twice in one lifetime. He's chasing me again. And I can't believe I'm running from him.

"I don't care how many bathrooms you hide from me in I will just keep following you until you talk to me."

I can hear the desperation in his voice, so I slow and walk into a side alley. I keep my back to him, and he walks close enough I can just barely feel his chest to my back. His breath on the back of my neck.

"Alec turn around. Look at me please…"

My phone buzzes in my pocket but I don't pull it out. I can feel myself turning but I still have my face towards the ground. But he's not okay with that, he tilts my face up. "Alexander… what they said, it wasn't okay. I'm sorry."

I nod but don't open my mouth. I just let myself look into his eyes. His beautiful green-yellow eyes. In this light they look more golden. Not hard, cold gold like Jace's. But warm, I feel like if I just kept looking in them I would burn up, I would be safe for once in my life. Safe from those people, safe from myself.

His fingers slide down to one of my wrists and he pulls it up so it's in-between our chests. He slides down the sleeve and presses his lips against my wrist, right over one of my scars. "Promise me baby; promise me you won't cut because of this. They're jerks. That's all they are. I told them you're just my friend, I told them to leave you alone for good."

I can't help the smile that crosses my lips, he called me baby! I nod again. "Thank you Magnus. I won't do anything; I just needed to get away from them."

To be honest, I was planning on going home to cut. But I think I won't now… just for you Magnus.

His other hand drifts up to my cheek and slides his fingers along my cheekbone into my hair. He leans forward and I don't pull away, I let him, and I lean up towards him. Our lips meet and I feel like I'm in heaven. You know those old movies where when the guy kisses the girl and there are fireworks all around them and they see stars, this isn't like that. But it is so much better. It's fire and ice, it's everything. He opens my lips and explores expertly, his tongue rubbing against mine. The hand not in my hair wraps around my waist and pulls me closer. One of my hands is pressed against his back, the other running up into his hair. This is my first kiss, I didn't know how absolutely amazing it would be.

My phone buzzes again and we pull apart. I reach into my pocket and pull it out, it's Allie. "Hold on I have to answer this."

He nods and I click the answer call button and put it against my ear, "Hey Allie, what's up?"

"Alec…"

I can hear the tears in her voice. "Allie what is it?"

"I got my test results today…"

Her tests, from last week. "What are they? Do you need me to come to your house? Allie what is it?"

Her voice strains and I can almost hear her tears falling. "Alec just please come to my house. I need to see you. Now."

She didn't let me say anything, the phone clicks and she's gone. My fingers are shaking and I drop my phone. It's bad. It's really bad. Nearly a year ago, they gave her a year to live. The cancer's worse. Or something.

Magnus picks up my phone and slips it back into my pocket, his eyes are worried. "Alec, what is it?"

"Magnus can we use your car? Isabelle and Jace have mine. We need to go somewhere."

He nods and we head off in the direction of his home, to get his car. Oh, angel, Allie please be okay.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Guys I'm so sorry I haven't posted in awhile. It'll never take this long again don't worry. I was having some medical issues about part way through May and had an ultrasound done, turns out I'm healthy again and I'm feeling great. This chapter is a little big longer than usual because of how long I've been gone I thought I'd give you guys a special treat. I was going to put the last part in Alec's next chapter but thought it would be interesting to see it from Magnus' eyes. Anyone read CoHF yet? I bought it the day it came out. Considering this isn't a shadow hunter story there won't really be anything from that book in here, just sticking with this story line. Anyways, sad chapter, again. Things will start looking up for Alec and Magnus soon I promise. **

I can understand how when the edges are rough  
>And they cut you like the tiny slivers of glass<br>And you feel too much  
>And you don't know how long you're gonna last,<p>

But everyone you know, is tryna smooth it over,  
>Find a way to make the hurt go away,<br>But everyone you know, is tryna smooth it over,  
>Like you're trying to scream underwater,<br>But I won't let you make the great escape,  
>I'm never gonna watch you checking out of this place<br>I'm not gonna lose you  
>'Cause the passion and pain<br>Are gonna keep you alive someday  
>Gonna keep you alive someday<p>

- The Great Escape – Pink

**Magnus POV:**

Alec and I sped walked back towards my house. Even though I'm taller than him, with longer legs, I had to practically jog to keep up with him. I didn't know who he was talking to until he said Allie's name. I could hear the fear in his voice when he was talking to her. I didn't ask questions after he asked for my car.

The look he gave me, I'd drive him to California if he asked me to. Hell, if I could I'd drive him across the ocean to China, if I could. Knowing him, he'd rather swim. He wanted to walk home, sopping wet, from that party.

He's insane.

As we speed walked up my drive way I pulled my keys out of my pocket, at the garage door I inserted the numbers in the keypad to unlock it and it opened. I opened the driver's side door to my car and got in. I had the car on before he'd even opened his door. HE got in and I pulled the car back out of my garage. "Where to Alec?"

He told me what part of the city Allie lives in. It's a good half an hour drive. I try hard not to speed in that direction. When Alec told me where she'd be I could hear the stutter in his voice, the fear, the absolute desperation. Fuck it.

I'm speeding. They can pull me over. I can pay any ticket easily.

"Alec, don't worry. What's going on with her?" I felt a need to talk to him to make sure he's okay.

"She's… she's got test results from last week's doctor's appointment. It's probably bad. A year ago they gave her a year to live. Her health's been severely deteriorating over the last few months. That's why I've been trying to spend as much time as possible with her."

I nod, what can I possibly say? I lost my mom, my dad is dad, but I can't understand this. I was only four when my mom died. I barely remember her. I remember my dad's murder like it was yesterday, but I don't really care about him, I'm happy he's dead, I'd never forget his death.

But besides Alec's family, this girl is his whole world. She truly doesn't deserve this kind of pain. She deserves happiness.

I let my fingers not on the wheel grab onto his, my fingers twinned through his. My thumb seemed to brush his hand of its own accord. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him visibly relax. "I need the address."

He gives it to me and gives me the directions. Just a few minutes later we're pulling up to a cute one story, light blue house. I can hear the tears in his voice, "her parents and I hate that color. But she begged us to paint it like that. It was a couple ago, when she got out of the hospital last time. She wanted to paint with us too, her mom told her no since she was sick, and she threw a bucket of blue paint at me. For like three hours we used the majority of the paint on each other in a big paint war. We were covered, head to toe. Her mom and dad had to go out and buy more paint and make us promise not to get into another paint war. They were laughing though, it was a happy moment, and we didn't have many of those."

You can think I'm weird, but I know what he's talking about. It wasn't to long after school restarted after summer break. I passed him on the way down the hall and wondered if he'd colored part of his hair light blue. When I noticed there were flakes of it on his face and arms. Now I know it was paint. I could see for once the laughter in his eyes, the next day he was still laughing about it inside his head. It was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen.

I turned the key and flipped the lights off. "Do you want me to go in with you?"

He looked at me and this time I could see the tears in his eyes, "Please Magnus?"

I felt my fingertips brush against his cheek and I leaned in towards him and pressed my lips lightly against his. Not as passionate as before, but just a gentle brush of lips.

He smiled at me softly and opened his door. "Let's go in…"

We walked up the steps side by side and before we even got to the door a middle aged woman opened it. In her prime she must have been very beautiful. Now she's got premature gray in her hair and several wrinkles in her face. I remember her; she was at the mall, Allie's mom.

Alec didn't say anything, and she just walked up and engulfed him in her arms. He leaned down so she could whisper in his ear. I turned away to not appear as if I was eavesdropping.

Alec looked at me before back at her, "I brought my friend, is that okay? I'm sure Allie wants people that care about her here. He likes her."

Allie's mom nodded, "She needs her friends. Right now most of all."

Alec tilted his head, "What happened?"

Allie's mom's lips thinned, "She wants to be the one to tell you my dear. Make it quick, she's not feeling very well."

She walks into the house and Alec holds the door open for me.

On the outside it's an adorable little house. On the inside it looks like a doctor's office. There's a hospital bed in the living room next to the TV. With a pale girl sitting on the bed. She had a hat on her head, another beanie. I know now it covers her head where there's no more hair. I try to fight it but I can feel the tears in my eyes. I try to hide them.

Allie has on a black and white polka dotted shirt and plaid pajama pants. Even when she's not feeling well she still looks gorgeous.

Alec moved in front of me and sat next to her on the bed. He seems so at home here, he must have done this often. The second he sat down she nearly leaped into his arms. She had her arms wrapped around his chest but her eyes were on me, she whispered comically, knowing I could hear, "You didn't tell me he was the one you liked. You didn't tell me how sexy he was!"

Alec's cheeks turned pink. And I think my cheeks pinked a little bit too. What a shocker!

Alec pulled away from her al little bit, "What's going on Allie girl?"

She looked away from him, "I needed to see you..."

He tilted his head again, "What did the doctors say?"

She looked back up at him, "Alec I have another tumor. They can remove it but health wise; I wouldn't be able to survive surgery. But that's not all of it."

I watched as Alec's hands began to shake, "What else is there?"

This time she looked towards where her parent's were sitting on the couch, I felt like the big freak in a somber story. Maybe I shouldn't have come in. This is personal, to Alec, to Allie, to her parents. I was about to say I'd leave when she spoke up again, "The cancer's spreading, rapidly. Chemo and radiation won't work. I might have a couple weeks. If that."

Alec was quiet for a long time. If the situation wasn't so horrible it would have been comical. Finally he looked at her with tears falling down, "Allie girl I love you. I can't lose you."

Allie clutched at his chest with one hand and his back with her other. "We have to make the next couple weeks count. No more tears, we have to stop acting like I'm a frail little girl that is dying. I am dying, I'm gonna be dead soon. I don't want to be in a hospital when I die. I want to be with you, hanging out, playing video games or reading or something. Please Alec."

Allie's mother stood abruptly, "We can save you Allie, and there must be a way! You can't give up!"

Allie looked back at her, "Mom you know there is no way. They can't do the surgeries because I wouldn't survive them. That was my hope, that was my way, and I lost it because I'm not healthy enough. Please mom, let me die like I want to."

I felt my hands clench, I wish I could do something…

Alec looped his arm around her back and held her to him tighter, "I'll be with you, as long as you need me. I won't leave your side."

I could feel my heart break for him. In a few weeks his best friend will probably be dead and buried. And I will watch his heart break. It's obvious, she loves him. Love's him like I'm falling for him. Will he be able to survive without her? Will Alec live past this? Oh, my poor Alexander… please get through this. Please, for me.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: I know this story isn't going where everyone wanted it to. Allie is turning into one of my favorite characters. But I did plan on her death from the very beginning. Her death will make Alec hit rock bottom and Magnus will either be able to save him or not, I'm not sure if this will end good or bad yet. But please enjoy this next chapter.**

And I am feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl

- Say Something - A Great Big World

**Alec POV:**

We stayed with Allie for around twenty more minutes until her parents were kicking us out to give her some time to rest. I promised to get my car back tomorrow from my siblings and would drive to come see her as much as possible.

We're back in Magnus' car. Cruising slowly back to our part of town. I have my cheek pressed against the glass of the window. I can see my breath ghosting up the window. I can feel his hand on my knee. I let one of my hands rest on his. If he hadn't been there I wouldn't have made it.

He helped me back into his car, even buckled me in. Maybe I should thank him... but I feel comatose. I don't know what to do right now. I was asked to make her happy. And I could do that. I would put a real smile on my face. I would hold her, I would do anything possible to make sure that she is happy right up until the very moment she leaves this life.

I feel tears sliding down my cheeks. I don't have the strength to even wipe them away. I can feel Magnus squeezing my knee and I know he can see the tears.

I can feel all these things physically but I can't feel them mentally. My brain feels dead. I feel dead.

My hearing is numb but I can make out his words, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I shake my head slightly. "Why?"

He squeezes my knee again. "I know how much you feel about her. I know you love her. I'll be there for you and her as long as you need me. "

I let my eyes drift over to his. "I do need you..." I never claim to need anyone, I've never asked anyone for help before. But I need Magnus now.

"We're going back to my house. Don't complain. I don't want you alone tonight. You don't have a choice."

I nod, I don't want to be alone. I won't be able to cut while with him but I don't even need that right now. I'll have the opportunity once Allie dies. I won't be alive the day after she's buried.

**Magnus POV:**

The drive towards my home was truly hell. I wanted so desperately to hold him against me, kiss him, and tell him I love him. I know it's not the time to tell him yet. I've loved him for so long now... I wish I had forced myself into his life sooner.

I told him that he was being brought to my house. There was no question. I knew alone he would probably cut. I had to keep him with me.

I could see his tears but didn't say anything, just let my hand caress his knee. I knew he didn't want to talk.

Finally I turn into my driveway and park in front of my garage. His fingers fumble with his belt and I push them away and undo it myself. I open my door and walk around to his, opening it. He gets out and even though I know he's only a couple inches shorter Han me he looks much smaller.

I take his hand and lead him back to my front door. I let my fingers slide out of his hand and unlock the door.

I pull him inside and shut it behind him. "Are you hungry or do you want to just sleep?"

He shakes his head. "Can we just sleep? Um... together. Unless you don't want to." I can see the look of fear in his wide eyes. He really doesn't want to be alone.

I let my hand fall back into his. I pull him from the entryway up to my bedroom. I set him on my bed and go to my closet, pulling out a pair of sweat pants and a plain t-shirt. I turn as he pulls off his clothes and puts on mine.

I walk into my closet and change into sleep pants In there. I walk out and look at him, "I hope you don't mind, I don't sleep with a shirt on." Or any clothes at all, but he's not ready for that.

He shakes his head and gets off the bed while I pull back the blankets and climb in the bed. I open my arms and he crawls into them. I press my lips against his and for the next few hours all we do is hug and kiss, no words need to be spoken. I will be his salvation.

**AN: Some fitness in the end. I do have a new story I want to start. Have any of you seen Last House On The Left? I want to take that story line except making Alec the main character. It would be a very dark story. I've had it on my mind for awhile after seeing the movie. The story would be a Malec story of course, just my new idea. Would anyone read it?**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Here's the new Saving Alec chapter. I was going to split this into two chapters but felt it would probably be best altogether so I just switched POV part of the way through. So thanks to that this is my longest and saddest chapter yet. Unfortunately this story will be coming to a close soon. There might be five chapters left. I really have loved all the feedback you've all left on this story. And of course I have another planned soon. Of course if there is something you want in a story you can always ask if I would do it. Warnings for this chapter are suicidal thoughts, strong language, and character death. Thanks for reading and as always please read and review.**

To get a dream of life again

A little vision of the sun in the end

But all the choirs in my head sang, no oh oh oh

It's a harder way and it's come to claim her

And I always say, we should be together

And I can see below, cause there's something in there

And if you are gone, I will not belong here

Breath of life - Florence + the machine

**Alec's POV:**

I push myself out of my bed. It's been twelve days since my world ended. Since Allie said she has two weeks at most to live. I've spent every moment not asleep or at school with her.

Magnus has been amazing. When Jace or Izzy have been using our car he drives me back and forth between school and Allie's, my house and Allie's, his house and Allie's... I've spent a few of those nights in bed with him, just cuddling and kissing. He's been my rock this whole time.

He's the only reason I've been brave enough to face Allie. I've gone to the movies with them eight times now. She keeps wanting to watch this corny romantic comedy over and over. I can't tell you the name of the movie or even what it's about because each time we go I sit in between them and hold hands with them both. Magnus grounds me, and Allie... I just watch her smile at the screen.

For a year she's been my angel. It's disconcerting having someone else at my side. Strictly because Magnus is another person I'll be leaving behind when I die. I understand what I'm doing will be wrong but I don't think I can live without Allie.

I walk into the bathroom and turn the shower on as hot as possible. I slide my pants and sleeping shirt off and step into the shower. I wince as the scalding water runs over my skin but don't move to turn the water down. Pain is good. It means I can still feel.

I let my fingers brush over the scars on my shoulders. The scars on my chest. The ones on my stomach. Down to my thighs. Down my legs. And down my arms. My body has been my art palette for years. Magnus has only seen the ones on my arms. If he only knew... he'd be pissed.

I lean back against the shower wall and let my eyes flutter shut. Yesterday I finally introduced Allie to my parents. They decided to come back from vacation early. She got to meet Max too. They loved each other. Allie loves manga so they spent over an hour just talking about Death Note. I don't know what a death note is but I don't think I want to know.

My mother had to be obvious and ask if Allie is sick. At least Allie didn't hear.

It was amazing though. Jace, Izzy, Allie and I took Max to this indoor mini golf place. Allie was in her wheelchair and Max and I took turns pushing her around. We'd line her up with the ball perfectly so she could always get a good shot. No surprise Jace won with Allie in second. Of course, Max was third, Izzy fourth, and I got last place. I'm not a sore loser though of course.

Max is back at school now. He goes to the Institute, sort of a boarding school except the students are allowed to come home on weekends if their parents are willing to get them of course.

The school is far and our parents are always at work so we don't get to see him as often as we would like.

Sharp banging pulls me from my thoughts and I realize the water is now cold. I must have been in here quite a while. I can hear Izzy's voice from outside the bathroom door.

"Alec come on! Some of us want to go to school!" Ha! The day Isabelle and Jace Lightwood want to go to school will be the day the sky turns orange and pigs fly off of our roof. Well isn't that a great thought.

I soap up my body and hair quickly then rinse it all off. I step out of the shower and turn it off. My charming sister bangs on the door again and I shout, "I'm almost done!"

Just another charming day in the Lightwood house. Except I don't usually shout at Izzy. I should apologize...

I pull on my shirt, boxers, black jeans, and light blue jacket that Allie got me forever ago.

I make sure that the scars on my wrists are covered before I open the door. Isabelle is standing outside of it with an unamused look on her face. I feel my throat clear itself, "uh... sorry. When are we going?"

She pushes past me into the bathroom and before the door closes I can just ear, "10 minutes."

Ha! Isabelle getting ready in 10 minutes. I glance at the clock in my room. Shit, 20 minutes until school starts. I was in the shower for two hours! Suddenly I'm not so irritated with Izzy.

True to her word she's done in 10 minutes. Jace is done in 20. And it takes 20 minutes to get to school. My first tardy, ever. Who knows how many Isabelle has had but Jace got his 12th. Worth detention on a Saturday. Which ends up being a 3 hour detention. Guilt naws on me like a bone. If I had not been out of my mind in the shower I would not have made them this late.

We get our passes, I tell my siblings sorry and head for art class. The only good thing out of this is that I'll get to see Magnus. I walk into the room and hand my pass to the teacher and sit next to Clary, across from Magnus.

He raises his brow at me but I shake my head and tap my notebook. He nods while our teacher explains to me what we're supposed to be doing. Technically the final project will be a painting of the person or thing that inspires us the most. Truthfully I finished mine shortly after the project was assigned. Let's just say that the painting is of Magnus. Of his eyes.

But I nod at the teacher and I flip my notebook open to a blank page. I write a note to Magnus.

**Spent to long in the shower today.**

He smiles at me and writes back. **You ok?**

I nod but don't reply. I need to think and he seems to understand that. That's how I go through today. Only holding on, thanks to my thoughts.

**Magnus POV:**

When Alec and Izzy and Jace didn't show up to school I was honestly worried. I was worried something had happened to Alec and when I texted him he didn't respond.

But I waited in art and he finally showed up. I don't know if I believe that he spent to long in the shower or not. Alec is addicted to school. Maybe it was Jace or Isabelle instead.

I go through the school day feeling on edge. I feel like there is something wrong. But I can't put my finger on it.

At 1:50 Alec and I are in our final class, chemistry, when the door opens and Mrs. Blackthorne, our school Secretary walks in and hands Mr. Herondale a note. He calls Alec and I watch Alec get up and grab the note. Before he walks out of the room his eyes meet mine.

I raise my hand and tell Mr. Herondale I need a pass to the bathroom. He rolls his eyes, "go on Bane."

I feel like I'm walking in slow motion as I race to the office. I finally turn down the last hallway and there's my boy. My arms are around him and he burries his face in my shoulder. I don't care who walks by. My boyfriend needs me.

Finally he pulls away and he says,"Allie's parents called. They want me to meet them at their beach house. Well it's Allie's grandfather's beach house. He gave it to Allie's mom in his will. They kept it because Allie loves it so much. Can... can you sign out of school with me and take me? I don't know if I can drive feeling like this... No never mind. I will just go get the keys from Izzy to my car."

I kiss his cheek lightly. "Let's go."

We're both over 18 so technically we can sign ourselves out of school. Mrs. Blackthorne wasn't to happy and said we'd both get failing marks on any assignments we got in chemistry.

Finally we got out to my car and he gave me directions to the cabin. I know the area, it's a half hour drive, out of the city. I feel my foot pushing down on the gas hard. I keep myself in check, only going five over the speed limit. While I drive I put my hand on Alec's.

I feel the giant need to comfort him even though I think I know what's in store for him today. "She's fine Alec. You'll see."

He nods. We're both quiet for the rest of the trip. Finally I turn down into a camping area where I know there are cabins towards the end. He directs me up a hill, where there is a single cabin over the tree line.

I park in front of it and even before I have the car shut off Alec is out of the car and walking to the door of the cabin.

As I step out of my car I can see Allie's parents walking out and hugging. It's as bad as I thought...

I step up to Alec's side and put my hand on his shoulder. I can see the tears in his eyes as he says, "Where is she?"

Allie's mom nods down towards the beach. "She likes it best down by the water you know... we just came up here to get you. Come on Alec."

Alec takes my hand, "can Magnus come if he wants? She likes him."

I know I should say no. This is their moment. But if Alec needs me I will be there to the end.

Allie's parents look at each other before nodding and turn to walk down the other side of the hill.

Even though she's far enough away I shouldn't be able to tell I can see her completely. She's wearing plaid and polka dots. Seems to be her favorite combination. She doesn't have her hat on and I can see really light blonde hair, short, nearly bald, but still there. She looks like a beautiful angel.

As we get closer Alec's hand begins o shake. I squeeze it and he smiles weakly before pulling away. As we reach Allie her parents sit on one side of her and Alec lays on the other. I stand back at a reasonable distance.

Allie looks up and smiles at Alec. "I'm glad you came."

He smiles again and brushes her cheek with his index finger. "You need me, I'm here."

She smiles wider, "I thought I'd have more time. But I can feel my... My body shutting down. It's hard to breath, if I sit up I'm dizzy. It's time."

The tears in my eyes are falling into the sand. Alec pulls her hand to his lips and kisses it.

Her voice is barely heard when she whispers to Alec, "do two things for me."

He presses his ear to her lips and she whispers into it. He pulls away and looks at Allie's father, "she wants to sit in the water."

Allie's parents and Alec get up and Allie's dad picks her up and we move to the water. Allie's dad places her bottom half of her body in the water and lays down next to her. Alec and her mom joining them.

Allie's parents whisper to her and I look at Alec the whole time. His tears are falling into the water. Allie looks into my eyes and whispers, "I'm sorry I didn't get to know you. Take care of Alec for me. He'll need you even if he doesn't admit it."

My tears fall harder and I nod. She turns to her mom and dad, "I couldn't ask for better parents. You two have given me so much. Maybe in a few years you can adopt a little girl who is perfect. She can have my room. She can play with my things. Just think of me from time to time okay?"

Allie's mom sobs. "You are perfect my baby girl. Our family isn't perfect without you."

Allie smiles, "you talked about adoption before we discovered my cancer. Do it on and dad. I will watch him or her grow up."

Allie's dad kisses her on the forehead gently, "we'll see baby. I love you so much. More than..." He chokes up and Allie finishes for him, "all the fishes in the sea."

She turns her head towards Alec even though I know it's a struggle. "You're my best friend Alexander. The day we met was the day I fell in love with you. I know you don't feel the same but you are my light at the end of this big dark tunnel. You will get through this, you're strong. I love you Alliebear."

Alec let's out a sob an kisses her hand again. "I love you Allison."

Allie whispers, I can hear the pain in her voice, "can you... do that other thing please?"

I can still feel the tears racing down my face, I look at Alec and he lays her hand down gently on her stomach and cups her face gently between his hands. To my shock and horror he presses his lips against hers and their kissing. Much like the kiss he and I first shared.

Allie's parents burst out crying and more tears fall from my eyes. I'm jealous... of a terminally ill girl. She has a part of him I will never have...

Alec finally pulls away and Allie smiles, "my first and last real kiss... thank you. I love you all. Thank you."

From here I can hear the rattle in her lungs even though I know it's impossible. I know she's taken her last breath of life... She looks at Alec and I know the exact moment the light in her eyes dies... when Alexander gasps and rests his forehead against hers. Sobbing her name.

Allie's parents hold onto Allie's other side.

And I, I look up to the sky. Goodbye Allison. I will take care of our boy.


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Hey guys. Sorry for the incredibly sad chapter before. If it means anything I was almost in tears myself and I knew what was going to happen. It was very hard to write but it is how Alec finally breaks down and hits rock bottom. Thank you all for the amazing reviews. I made some of you cry and as sorry I am for that I am also happy my writing had that affect on you guys. Unfortunately this story is coming to a close. There might be three more chapters left, four if I do an epilogue. Anyways, warnings for this chapter are suicidal thoughts, suicidal actions, and angsty funeral sadness. Please enjoy and reviews make me a happy writer. **

If someone said three years from now

You'd be long gone

I'd stand up and punch them out

Cause they're all wrong and

That last kiss

I'll cherish

Until we meet again

And time makes

It harder

I wish I could remember

But I keep

Your memory

You visit me in my sleep

My darling

Who knew

Who Knew - Pink

**Alec POV:**

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as if nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

I can hear the priest quote Albert Einstein as we all stand around Allie's casket. It is fitting. Albert Einstein was a great man, and Allie was a great woman. It's been so hard getting through this week.

"Allie was that second type of person. She knew that every second shouldn't be taken for granted. She lived her life as if everyday was her last. And she fought hard right up to the very end."

My eyes drift to the casket. Allie picked it out. It's completely white with gold trims. I knew inside of it is the pale body of my best friend. My hand reaches blindly to the side and a cool hand grips mine. Magnus.

He's been my rock.

The priest looks to Allie's parents and asks them if they want to speak. Allie's parents stood up and moved closer to the casket. Allie's mom sobs softly and shockingly laughs, "if she was here right now she'd be yelling at us for crying. She had such strong values and her mind was so strong. She gave me hope. I'll miss her forever. I'll never forget the moment she left this world. For the first time in a year I knew she was no longer in pain. And as much as I miss her terribly, I know she's happy and free now. I love you baby girl."

Allie's mom lifts her fingers to her lips and presses them against the casket. The tears are falling onto my suit. Allie's dad looks to me and beckons. My turn.

I step up next to them and Allie. I let my hand linger on the casket next to Allie's mom's. "Allie was and will always be my best friend. As Napoleon Bonaparte once said, 'it requires more courage to suffer than to die.' Allie suffered for so long but I never saw her frown. I never saw a single tear. She was so brave, she lived every day so strong. And she was ready for her new body. I do believe she's happy and healthy now. And she's watching down on us now, probably annoyed that we're all crying over her. Goodbye Allie girl." I let my fingers touch my lips than touch the casket again.

I feel my hands shake as I make my way back to Magnus. All the eulogies have been said. The priest quotes a line about how the good die young and a child should never die young. Than... it's over.

Allie's parents aren't having a wake. They'll probably be sitting at the grave all night...

Magnus leads me back to his car and opens the door for me. I sit and pull the belt around me. We drive in silence, which I'm grateful for. I need to collect my thoughts.

We drive for over an hour. I know my entire family is at home, waiting for me. I should have invited them... but they didn't know her minus meeting her the day before it happened. I just wanted it to be me and her family. And Magnus. If he hadn't been at my side I would have lost it. I still might lose it now.

Magnus finally pulls up to my house and I unbuckle my belt and look at him, "I would invite you in but I know my family wants some private time with me."

I look into his golden eyes. Maybe more like Amber. I never have gotten over how beautiful he is. But I need to look. Because I will never see him again...

His fingers come up to frame my face. His lips are on mine and our tears are falling, mixing as they meet on the arm rest in between us. I let my hand rest on his chest, over his heart. It beat strong, and I know it's strong enough to recover after I leave his life tonight.

He pulls away slowly and wipes my tears away with his thumbs gently. "I love you Alexander."

My eyes grow wide and his lips touch mine again. He finally pulls all the way away and says, "I know you're not ready yet. I'll call you tonight babe."

I nod and open the car door. He waits til I'm opening my house door before he drives off. Before I shut the door I'm surround by my family. Even mom and dad are asking if I'm okay.

I raise my hand and they're all instantly quiet. Shocker. "I just want to take a bath and go to sleep."

If I wasn't so depressed I would laugh at their reactions. Mom rushes upstairs to fill the master bathtub, Isabelle rushes to get my sleepwear, dad goes and gets me a glass of wine. Great dad, best part.

Jace, being an amazing brother, takes me into his arms and holds me there. I know it's not romantic. I know I love Magnus. But this feels like heaven. I'll miss him most...

Max is asleep on the couch with his death note book on his little chest. I smile and carry my glass upstairs into mom and dads bedroom. And into their bathroom.

Mom and Izzy are talking when I enter but stop when they see me. Smooth.

Mom, not one for affection pats my shoulder and Izzy hugs me. Before Izzy pulls away she looks in my eyes, "tell me if you need anything. Promise."

I nod. "I promise. I love you."

She says she loves me back and shuts the door behind her and mom. I give them enough time to walk out of the bedroom before I lock the door. They can't come in before it's too late...

I quickly root through mom's medicine cabinet for her sleeping pills. I am glad dad gave me alcohol. Something to wash them down. I climb into the tub clothes and all and lean back. Even in the master bathtub my legs are to long so part of my chest and head are sticking out of the water.

I uncap the bottle of pills and empty them into my mouth. I count at least twenty pills. Yes. That's enough. Plus you should never mix alcohol and pills. I down the entire glass of wine and swallow twice, feeling the pills slither down my throat.

I let the glass fall against the floor along with the pill bottle. Hoping they didn't hear it downstairs.

One pill usually has me falling asleep in 15 minutes. So I'm not surprised when my eyes start to flutter shut. Time doesn't seem to matter. All can see is a white light even though my eyes are shut.

I can feel myself drifting, my heart slowing, my body dying.

Somewhere I can hear a door banging. Someone's hands on my shoulders. I open my eyes and look into Amber eyes. I feel my lips tilt up, "I love you too." I don't know if he understood me, my eyes shut and I see only black.


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Over 130 reviews! You guys are making me so happy right now. I'll be trying to get this chapter out today and another later this week or weekend. I'm sad this story is coming to an end. But I am always open to idea's. To answer some reviews: Amber is not a new character, Alec described Magnus' eyes as Amber colored. I do love Death Note. People will discover his cuts. I love giving you guys cliffies, I know I'm horrible. And of course I will try to respond to all my awesome reviews. Here's the next chapter. Enjoy.**

But if I told you I loved you, would it make you want to stay?

I'm sorry for the way I hurt you and making you walk away.

(I should have took the time to tell you)

And if I wrote you a love song and sang it to you every day, would it ever be enough to make you wanna come back home and stay?

(I can't go another day without you)

Yeah, the days are cold, the nights are long.

And I can't stand to be alone.

Please know this is not your fault.

And all I want...

Is to tell you I love you and make you wanna stay.

There's gotta be a way, 'cause going on without you is killing me everyday

- Stay - Florida Georgia line

**Magnus POV:**

I watch Alec walk inside before I pull my car out of the driveway. I only drive a few blocks away before I stop in front of a shopping center. I pull into a parking space and turn off the car.

My fingers still clench the wheel and my tanned skin is quickly turning white. My windows are dark so I don't have to worry about anyone seeing me. I punch the wheel over and over.

My head leans back against the seat and my tears are running down my cheeks. Part of me wants to pull away from him. I've only felt this way once. When my mother committed suicide. I don't want to feel like this anymore.

It would be easy. I could have anyone. Anyone!

But... the person I want, the person I love, is him. I couldn't imagine a life without him now. I don't want to think of a life without him.

I know I told him I love him. It was probably not the greatest time to say it. But my hands were on him, I could see the blue in his eyes and I couldn't help it.

Granted he didn't respond but I know he's hurting and needs time. And for once I'm willing to be patient, for him.

My fingers touch my phone, it's only been about twenty minutes since I drove away but I just need to hear his voice.

I press his name and press my phone against my ear. It rings, and rings, and rings some more. It goes to voicemail. I sigh and press the numbers again. They don't call me impatient for nothing.

It rings over and over before voicemail picks up again. Call it a sixth sense, but I think something's wrong. No, I know something is. Alec never gave me his house phone number so I have to google it. I feel like a stalker now...

It only rings twice before Isabelle picks up. "Hello?"

"Hey Isabelle, it's Magnus. Can I talk to Alec please?"

She's quiet for a minute before saying quietly, "he's in the bath." Yeah I feel stupid now with my whole 'sixth sense' thing. "I'll tell him to call you."

"Thanks. I guess I'll see you in a couple days at school..."

I'm pulling my phone away from my head when I hear her say, "hold on."

"What?"

She's still unusually quiet, "I think Alec dropped his wine glass mom."

Wine? They gave him wine? Yes let's give the grieving man alcohol, let's turn him into a drunkard like my father was. "Izzy I'm coming back. I need to talk to him."

I ignore her protests and turn off my phone. My father lost my mother, turned into an alcoholic, tried to murder me, and I killed him in self defense. I can't let Alec drown his sorrows.

I may be speeding to Alec's house. I may have broken a million laws in the process. And I may have driven across the lawn instead of using the driveway. Oh well.

My car is barely stopped before I leap out of it. Isabelle already has the door open and I rush past her, ignoring her protests.

Actually I ignore all their protests. "Where is he?"

Jace narrows his eyes at me, "he needs alone time."

My eyes narrow back, "take me to the bathroom or I will tear this house apart looking for him."

Izzy grabs my arm and drags me upstairs. "He's fine but I don't want you to blow a gasket."

She pulls me down the hall into I'm guessing is the master bedroom. A door on the opposite side of the room is closed and I'm guessing it's the bathroom. Isabelle drags me right up to it and she knocks.

No answer.

She knocks again, "Alec, Magnus is here to see you!"

No reply. No. Fucking. Reply. That sixth sense thing is starting up again.

Isabelle puts her hand on the doorknob and tries to turn it. It's locked. Fuck.

She bangs on the door harder, "Alec let us in! Unlock the door."

I push Izzy away and step back a little before jamming my shoulder into the door. It doesn't budge. I step farther back and hit it harder. I can hear it crack but doesn't open. Finally I pull back again and throw all my weight into the door and the door busts in and... oh my God...

Next to the tub is a wine glass and a pill bottle. In the tub is Alexander...

His clothes are soaked. His face turning blue. I try to push Izzy away but she sees him and immediately starts screaming. And in seconds the whole family minus Max is in the bathroom.

But I don't care about them. I fall onto my knees next to the bathtub and lift him out of the water. I check his pulse, it's there but slow, without looking at his family I whisper, "he's alive, call the police, now."

I cradle Alexander in my arms and shake him gently, "Alexander wake up! Please. You can't die we just found each other. I can't lose you too

Please wake up now."

My tears fall faster, hitting his cold face. I pull away and grab his shoulders, shaking him harder, "wake up Alec!"

His eyelids flutter and I can see his wattery blues. He opens his mouth and whispers, "I love you too"

As his eyes flutter shut I try to choke down my sobs, "stay with me please. Please Alexander, I love you. Be strong, stay with me..."


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Sorry guys for the late chapter. Like I said unfortunately this story is coming to an end. There will only be two more chapters of this story sadly but I am currently working on my new story now! I will try to have the next chapter of this story and Captured out tomorrow too. No warnings for this chapter except some language and suicidal thoughts.**

I can hold my breath

I can bite my tongue

I can stay awake for days

If that's what you want

Be your number one

I can fake a smile

I can force a laugh

I can dance and play the part

If that's what you ask

Give you all I am

I can do it

I can do it

I can do it

But I'm only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human

**Alec POV:**

My eyes flutter open but instantly close. The lights are far to bright. What am I doing here? I was supposed to die. I know I took enough pills. I know I died... in Magnus' arms!

Magnus found me. I remember that. I thought how amazing it was, I would be dying with the person I love. For once I felt free. I was actually happy. I was going to be with Allie forever. It would be horrible to lose Magnus but he doesn't need me. No one needs me...

But... he told me he loves me. How could he love me? Besides Isabelle and Jace no one loves me. Maybe I made a mistake... but it felt so right. I felt right, dying. It felt good. I was falling into an eternal sleep. Now I'm just here. Where?

My eyes open again and I glance around. White walls, machines beeping, and Magnus asleep in a chair... Magnus!

Why'd he stay here with me? Shouldn't he hate me for trying to leave? Shouldn't he hate me for nearly dying in his arms? I try to sit up and feel something against my arms. I look down and realize I have bandages from my biceps to my wrists. My cuts...

I pull my hospital gown forward and look down at my chest. Bandages crisscross my chest. I can feel them wrapped around my back. I let my fingers slide down to my thighs. They're also covered in bandages. I didn't cut myself... right?

I don't remember cutting. I overdosed on pills. My eyes shut and I tilt my head back. Of course, everyone knows I cut now. I might have been able to explain away a fee cuts but no way could I explain being covered nearly head to toe. Now I'm going to have to talk to people. I'm going to be forced into suicide watch. I'll be forced into therapy. I'm so stupid. I should have waited awhile. I shouldn't have attempted suicide so soon after her funeral... of course Magnus would check on me. He's that kind of guy. He's amazing... and I'm a terrible person.

I sigh loudly and Magnus jerks in his sleep. His amber eyes open and they meet mine. I know it's only for a few seconds, but it feels like an eternity. It feels like he is literally looking into my soul. I know I should be uncomfortable with the way he is staring, but I'm not. I love Jace, Izzy, and Max, but I have this connection with Magnus that I just can't explain.

The moment is over and I barely have time to widen my eyes before he launches himself onto me. He speaks but it's so fast and illegible I can't understand him. I just let him wrap his arms around me. Being pressed against him is amazing. I don't know how I could have wanted to let him go...

Before I know it the moment's over and he runs to the door and outside. My eyes fall to the floor, of course he's leaving. Who wants to be stuck in a hospital with a suicidal headcase.

My fears disappear when Magnus returns with a doctor. Of course. But where is mom and dad? Where are Izzy, Jace, and Max?

I can hear the doctor speaking, feel Magnus leaning against me gently on the bed. I shake my head and look up at the doctor, "sorry, I didn't catch that." I'm surprised about how scratchy my throat sounds.

He nods at my obvious confusion. "When you got to the hospital we had to pump your stomach and force you to vomit. To get the medication you swallowed out of your system. You're very lucky Mr. Bane found you when he did, ten more minutes and you would have been beyond our reach."

I keep myself from looking at Magnus. "Thank you doctor, for helping me."

His eyes meet mine, "You're very lucky to have Mr. Bane and your family. They love you very much."

I sigh, "is this where you tell me that I'm selfish for doing this to them and suicide is never a good option?"

I didn't mean to sound like a snarky child. It just came out wrong. I am thankful they were able to save me. But I wish they could have been oh... ten minutes late.

He smiles lightly, "no, I won't force my views down your throat. You're healing very quickly and once you're off of suicide watch you'll be able to go home. Counseling will be mandatory too, to make sure you are no longer a risk to yourself. My nurse called your parents and they will be on their way. Again Mr. Lightwood, you're very lucky to have such a loving family and Magnus."

He types something into the computer next to my bed and then walks out of my room.

I can feel Magnus squeeze my shoulders before sitting back down in his chair. He looks at me and I can't look back... My eyes are on my pale hands, clutching my blanket.

"Why?"

It takes me a moment to answer, "I've never been happy, really truly happy except when I was friends with Allie. I've been cutting for years, but nothing really bad. When I found out she had cancer and was dying I couldn't handle it. And I've been thinking about suicide since. All I've wanted was to die since then. And once she died I swore I would too."

It takes him awhile to answer back but when he does his voice is quiet, "What about your family? What about me?"

My lips quiver, hold back the tears Alec! "No one needs me..."

Next minute I'm in his arms... he's kissing me all over and just holding me. "I need you Alexander. I need you."

My heart races. He needs me? I need him. I will get through this Magnus. For you, I will get through this. You saved me, you saved my life.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Here is chapter 19 of Saving Alec! I really have come to love this story and I'm sad that it is almost over... or is it? I was asked to make a sequel by someone and I was considering starting a sequel where Alec falls off of the wagon and begins self harming again. When you review please tell me if you're interested in something like that. Thank you all for the amazing reviews and I love all my fans on here. This is the last actual chapter but I will be posting an epilogue within the next few days. Warnings are just a sex scene of the malexmale variety so if that isn't your cup of tea then I wouldn't read. This is my first sex scene I've written in a long time so I don't know how it'll turn out. Again, thank you for all the lovely reviews and keep it up. The only thing I own is my own thoughts.**

Come just as you are to me

Don't need apologies

Know that you are worthy

I'll take your bad days with your good

Walk through the storm I would

I do it all because I love you, I love you

Unconditional, unconditionally

I will love you unconditionally

There is no fear now

Let go and just be free

I will love you unconditionally

So open up your heart and just let it begin

Open up your heart and just let it begin

Open up your heart and just let it begin

Open up your heart

Acceptance is the key to be

To be truly free

Will you do the same for me?

- Unconditionally - Katy Perry

**Magnus POV:**

The last few days have been utter hell for me. Alexander has been under suicide watch at the hospital and of course I couldn't go see him no matter how much I tried to bribe the doctors to let me in just for a few moments...

Instead I've been going to school. It has been hell listening to everyone wonder where Alec is. A good majority of them have it right. Many of them think that Alec is suicidal, and they're right. I can't believe that I never saw it. The signs were there ever since I met him. I wish I could say that he was good at hiding it but he really wasn't. He was actually rather obvious about it. And I was to stuck up and to worried about myself to notice his pain...

This week Marcus and his friends approached me and I ignored them. Camille and her friends did too. The only people I talked to have been the principal, Alec's teachers, and of course his family. They're taking it... well. They're worried and upset but they're all willing to come together for Alec.

He's getting out of the hospital today and once he's done speaking with his family I'll be bringing him to my house. I think the last thing he will want is to be at the house that he nearly died in. Well...

Technically he did die in my arms. The paramedics were able to get his heart beating again but before they got there, when Alec was in my arms, his heart stopped beating. It felt like time stopped. I was looking into lifeless eyes. When he woke up I was so relieved. I may be selfish, but I need him. I love Alexander Lightwood.

My phone buzzes and I open it. I have a text message from Isabelle.

**We r picking up Alec now. B my house n 15.**

**Ok. Thnx Izzy.**

I close my phone and push it into my pocket and grab my keys. It probably takes less than a minute to get to my car, get inside, and start it. It takes ten minutes to drive to Alec's and when I get there I just sit in my car in the driveway. Within five or six minutes Mrs. Lightwoods black car pulls into the driveway and parks next to mine.

I watch as Mr. Lightwood, Max, and Jace climb out and walk towards the house. Izzy gets out and approaches my car and leans down at my window to talk.

"Magnus, he doesn't want to be here. Do you mind taking him to your house for a couple days? Mom says she'll pay you for the...for the trouble."

It takes all I can not to clench my hands. "It's fine. You can all visit whenever. I'll get him to school too."

She turns and nods to the closed passenger side door of her mom's car and the door opens.

Alec steps out slowly and he steps up to Isabelle. They talk so quietly I can't understand them so I just stare at Alec. I can tell there are no longer any bandages on his wrists and his gait is weak but he's able to stand and walk.

When they're done talking Alec walks to my passenger side door and gets in. I let him buckle up before I pull out slowly and drive back towards my house. I occasionally put my arm in front of him if I braked to quickly.

When we finally got back to my house I helped him out of the car and walked him up the stairs to my bedroom. I sit him down and stand awkwardly next to him.

"Do you need anything? I can make you food or get cards or... start a movie or something."

"Can you just hold me?"

I can do that. He moves over and I lay next to him. Within seconds his head is plopped onto my chest and my arms are around him. I feel like I'm in heaven. I've cuddled with many people. I've never felt like this before. My lips part slightly, "do you want to talk about all this?"

He sits up slightly and kisses me, as he pulls back he looks me in the eyes. "Will you make love to me?"

Alec POV:

I don't know why I said that. Okay I do. I want to feel as physically and mentally close to him as possible. I need him.

He's quiet for a few moments before hitching his breath. "Are you sure that is what you want? I can wait as long as you need me to."

I know he's not a virgin, but I also feel like he's trying to cherish our relationship. When I was in the hospital I started feeling better and I think us being physical won't fix me but will help me heal.

"I need you Magnus. I... I love you."

He rolls so he's on top of me and I spread my legs enough for him to fit in between them. His fingers cup my face and his lips meet mine. It feels like heaven. He's slow as he pulls my clothes away from my body, by the time he's pulled off my boxers I'm beet red. I don't know how he'll feel about how I look. I know I'm hideous, with all the scars.

His eyes drift all over me painfully slow before meeting mine. "You're so beautiful, Alexander."

My fingers finally flutter up to his unusually normal clothes and I help him pull them off. He's... the beautiful one. Tanned flesh and hard muscles. He's stunning.

He kisses down my neck, my chest, up and down my arms, down my legs, and back up to my thighs. At every scar he kisses deeper. He climbs back up and kneels in between my legs and his eyes meet mine again.

"We can stop now if you're not ready."

My eyes shut before looking back into his. "I'm ready. Please..."

His eyes don't leave mine as his hand drifts to his side drawer and pulls out a bottle. He grabs a pillow and instructs me to lift my hips before he slid the pillow under them. He tells me to spread my legs and I do, blushing slightly.

I try not to watch as he opens the bottle and pours some liquid on his fingers. He holds my hips down with his other hand as he presses his fingers against my opening. I tense up and he pulls away.

"You can't get tense, it'll hurt for a little bit than it'll get better, I promise."

I nod and grit my teeth as he slowly pushes his finger into me. My eyes close as he pumps it in and out slowly before pushing two more fingers in. My insides are burning and I'm not so sure I'll be able to handle this after all.

Then suddenly his fingers brush something inside of me and my hips thrust up and a loud moan falls from my lips. His fingers hit that spot several times before he pulls them all the way out.

He opens the bottle again and spreads the liquid over his cock. He hooks his arms under my legs and pulls them around his waist. I can feel his cock pressing against my hole and his eyes meet mine.

With our eyes connected he slowly slides into me. I can tell its a struggle for him to be slow as his eyes shut and his forehead touches mine. Even as much as he prepared me it still hurts horribly.

My breath comes out in gasps as he finally stops, completely encased in my body. I only let him wait a few moments before telling him to move. His eyes pop open in shock.

"I could hurt you!"

"Please Magnus. I need you, please!"

His eyes shut again and he pulls out slightly before pushing into me again. As he does he hits that spot again and my back arches as I moan out loudly in pleasure. He thrusts in and out of me slowly, knocking into the spot over and over again. Our hands slide over our bodies, our lips and teeth gnash against each other. I can't tell where my body ends and his begins.

I'm a teenager, I've had quite a few orgasms but none of them have ever felt quite like this. I can feel the heat building up in my chest as he keeps thrusting in and out of me.

His fingers wrap around my cock and he slides them up and down quickly. My hips thrust up along with his as the most blinding light flashes in front of me my body shakes as we come together.

His forehead presses against mine as our breaths mingle together.

I'm going to be okay. Magnus saved me.


	20. Epilogue

**AN: here we are at the end of this story. Or are we? Saving Alec is ending for now but there is a chance for another Saving Alec story. If you want a sequel then please say so in a review or an inbox message. To stay true to the Saving Alec story the sequel would be where Magnus has to save Alec from... something. This can be self harming, or something new entirely. The majority of the reviewers in the yes or no will make my decision. If the new story happens you can wait for it while reading Captured and my new story which will be coming out soon. Thank you everyone for all the amazing reviews, honestly there is nothing I am more proud of then this story. Please enjoy this epilogue and the song that inspired this story. No warnings, just some love between Magnus and Alec.**

These city walls ain't got no love for me

I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story

And all I scream for you

Come please I'm callin'

And all I need from you

Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Hurry I'm fallin'

And all I need is you

Come please I'm callin'

And all I scream for you

Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Hurry I'm fallin'

Say it for me

Say it to me

And I'll leave this life behind me

Say it if it's worth saving me

**Alec POV:**

My toes curl in the sand and I lean back against the muscles of the man behind me. My eyes are shut and his lips are running up and down my neck slowly. His arms tighten around me and I let my fingers caress his soft skin. My eyes peel open and I stare at the water in front of me. We're at the spot that truly started it for us.

Where I held and kissed my best friend as she died.

You can say we started when he saved me from his jerk friends, but I was almost broken than. I had to break first before he could save me. We're sitting mere feet from where Allie died. I know there's a cross colored blue in the spot exactly. I know she's looking down on us and smiling right now.

The water is inching towards us and I can feel the water touching the tips of my toes. My head leans back and lands on his shoulder. His lips meet my cheek and I can feel his smile.

It's been six months since I attempted suicide, six months since I lost Allie, and six months since I fell in love with Magnus. We've had some troubles, some sleepless nights, and I can't lie and say we'll never have troubles again. But as long as we're together I know we can make it. I know we can.

His arms slide around to my waist and he locks his hands together. My lips immediately form a smile and I turn my head to look in his eyes. He smiles back lightly before he opens his lips, "you ready?"

I nod and we stand together, almost as if we're one body and hands locked, we walk into the water together and swim together slowly. Those months ago, I entered a lake intending to hurt myself. On that day Magnus didn't know what he did for me. He saved me.

I have been in love with exactly one person my whole life, and it is and will always be Magnus.

Magnus saved my life.


End file.
